01 August 2008

RSL to Move Rice-Eccles Turf to New Stadium


Rating: 3 (Three shall be the number thou shalt rate, and the number of the rating shall be three. Four shalt thou not rate, neither rate thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out.)

Looks like Real Salt Lake doesn't want to risk losing their mojo. MLS Rumors Rumors has received word that the surprise Western Conference leaders are planning to move the rock-hard fake turf from Rice-Eccles stadium to their new home when it opens this fall.

"Basically, it's all we've got going for us...our opponents are so afraid of losing key players to injury that they run out glorified reserve lineups whenever they play here. Plus that stuff is so hard, even Jersey and Toronto can't figure out the bounces," said our anonymous source. "We were all set to lay down some a really nice blend of Kentucky bluegrass and Bermuda grass, but when Coach Kreis heard about that, he flipped his lid. He said something like, 'What, are you idiots going to MLS Ref school now or something? Are you that freakin' blind? Are you?! You stupid sons of refs! OHMYGOD! OHMYGOD! I will wash over the Earth, and the seas will run red with all the blood of all its referees! ' So after I escaped from his office, I thought to myself, 'Sweet creamery butter! We'll move the turf! Football lines and everything!'"

(Pictured: The Turf in its present-day location)

1 comment:

DCUinCT said...

Love the sight!
Perhaps you could add a adapted quote of
"Football is a balancing act between business and culture." - Tim Vickery

Something like,
"Football is a balancing act between bastards and and vultures." - Tommy Soehn