Crew Look to Brazil for New Talent, Supporters

Rating: 0 (utter bullshit)

We recently received the following email from someone named "Guppy":

They saved Hitler's brain! Sounds incredible, almost unbelievable, but yes, it's true: in order to further their plans, the Columbus Crew's supporters have enlisted the help of Hitler's brain! A supporter group secretly traveled to South America and with the aid of doctors down there and financing from ABC Fertilizer Inc and several other similar companies common to Columbus, they revived the head of Hitler to help them with 'their tactics.' Hitler's head had been frozen according to his last wishes in 1975 and kept in a freezer in the basement of a sympathizer ...

Here is what is rumored to be their new logo, which will be unveiled shortly.

Well, since we have an ongoing demented obsession fascination with the right-wing leanings of the Crew and their supporters, this piqued our interest, so we did a little more digging around...and it turns out that Deep Guppy only scratched the surface! MLS Rumors² sent senior Crew correspondent Ezra Lieberman to Brazil to investigate, and he turned up a list of Brazilian players who are actually Hitler clones! As of this posting, we are unable to confirm if Stefani Miglioranzi is on the list...