30 July 2008

MLS Leper of the Month :: Jeff Cunningham

Rating :: 2 (mmm)

Toronto FC hitman Jeff Cunningham has established quite a reputation in his many years as part of the MLS player pool. While it seemed as though he was an eternal wanderer, locked in mortal combat with Andy Williams as the most well-travelled player in league history, MLSRumors² can now report this blockbuster possibility:

Jeff Cunningham is a leper

Ives Galarcep, crackerjack reporter/blogger from Nouveau Jersey, has broken the news that even league mental institution, New York New Jersey Red Metro Donkey Bulls wouldn't touch the striker with a 3 meter shepherd's crook. The widely accepted notion that Cunningham is a locker room cancer has been blamed for the Exit 16 outfit's decision to say no thanks, eh to wee Mo Johnston's offer of a trade. This website can tell its readers, however, that it not due to this malady also suspected to afflict Dallas FC headcase Arturo "Alvin" Alvarez.


Anonymous said...

Toronto were desperate when they acquired Cunningham, and they've remained desperate with him. Anyone can run quickly around the field like an over-excited child. What TFC need are strikers that understand positioning and play-making.

We are holding our breath waiting for his inevitable departure.

Agent 009 said...

My goodness man, what you need is a front runner who isn't prancing around with Mycobacterium leprae coursing through his system. It won't be long before disfiguring nodules start appearing on his visage.

That reminds me, what did Jeff Cunningham say to the "professional" in Parkdale?

"Keep the tip"

I'll be here all week. Try the veal.