28 July 2008

INCOMING : Dodgy Film Tie-Ins

Rating: Two Thumbs Down [check yourself before you wreck yourself]

In 2009, MLS will finally bear witness to the awesome power of a fully operational QuestField. As we all cower and moisten our trousers with urinary leakage, we also be subjected to the potential wackness of Hollywood tie-ins. Unfortunately, George Lucas was too busy destroying the the childhood memories of countless 35-45 year old men with the utter dross that was Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of The Crystal MOTHERF****** Skull to sign the release allowing the newest MLS franchise to use the Death Star in their promotional materials.

MLSRumorsRumors has discovered that top secret documents may exist outlining possible marketing strategems that will take advantage of team owner Joe Roth's tinsetown clout. MLSRR sources had just polished off a Mint Chocolaty Chip Frappuccino® blended creme with Chocolate Whipped Cream and extra shot of low-fat organic cat-poop espresso, when they overheard the barrista telling the syrup steward from the International House of Pancakes across the street that Joe Roth had screamed at his assistant on his iPhone bluetooth earpiece that he had better f****ng have the drafts ready by the time Carey hauls his fat ass into town for the Board meeting.

That got us th
inking about possible film tie ins for the MLS flavor of the month. These are few of the gems that Joe Roth has had a hand in producing (or directing).

Hollywood Homicide
In Hollywood, no one is who they really want to be.

Come see the Sounders murder David Beckham and the rest of the LA Galaxy. It will be a killer match! Landycakes will be there! He really wants to be called Loretta and have babies.

While You Were Sleeping
A story about love at second sight.

We know you missed the last 30 minutes of the match with Kansas last month, sorry about that. Come find out what happens when when you take a second look at a team. Honestly, I don't know why people say they play boring soccer.

Revenge of the Nerds II : Nerds In Paradise

They're Back!

New York Red Bulls! Come see Booger Stammler, Oscar (not Marco) Echeverry, and Poindexter Magee as they bumble their way around Qwest Field trying not to embarrass Juan Pablo Angel and Dave Van Den Bergh.

Ladies and Gentlemen, the Fabulous Stains
These Girls Created Themselves

Chicago Fire in the house. They've only got one song.

No comments: