01 September 2009

Rapidman on the 'Roids?

For years, we have not cared about the Colorado Rapids' mascots. They have had more mascots over the years than fans. So, when rumors came to us of bad things going on amongst the mascots, we chose not to go public. When the rumors became persistent phone calls at 4 am, we finally decided to look into the issues. According to the rumors, Rapidman (as seen in the photo on the left) is a chronic user of steroids. Shocking, I know but look at that musculature and tell me that is natural. It wasn't until we found this picture of Rapidman at age 11, that we took the rumors seriously.

And then there is this youtube video floating around out there of Rapidman's antics and craziness. We think you like us will come to the same conclusion - Rapidman has obviously been using the 'roids and has been "retired" as a result. Sad to see mascots brought so low.

Ok, Jose, we finally published it. STOP CALLING!

Breaking: Namoff speaks about Europe

Bryan Namoff is the solid right back that DC United has needed to rely on this season. When rumors surfaced about European teams having an interest in him, MLS Rumors²' crack squad of reporters hit the rumor-mongering locales of DC to find out the truth. According to sources at a bar frequented by team-members in the U Street area, Namoff would love to play in Europe (afterall, who wouldn't want to make more money for doing the same job and actually having to live in seclusion of a mansion because your adoring fans chase you around town asking for pictures and autographs). However, the confusion about his move to Europe was started over a misplaced comment. According to our source:
The Namoff was talking with us about going to Europe in the off-season. He's had a banner year and thought that his wife might enjoy a trip to Paris, Rome, and the Greek Isles. He made the mistake of telling in the presence of a blogger, that he had some interest in the Greece and suddenly there is a story on the Internet.

So, faithful DC United fans, you can likely expect The Namoff to be back next season, unless totally unrelated to this rumor some European team offers him suitcases full of money to relocate.