28 August 2008

Garber: Revs, Chivas "Not Tired Enough;" SuperLiga '09 to Double in Size

Reached from his secret volcano lair, MLS Commissioner Don "The Don" Garber today told MLS Rumors² that he was disappointed in the performance of both New England and Chivas USA in their recent CONCACAF Champions League qualifiers. "Frankly, I expected them to lose by more than they did. It's a disappointment. We set the schedule up the way we did - SuperLiga, playing on international dates, loading the league schedule towards the end of the season - so that these guys would fail miserably, and maybe shut the hell up about the missing $850,000 in SuperLiga money. And what do they do? Sure, they go and lose to a couple of minnows, but they didn't get *crushed.* The Revs in particular really need to be taken down a peg. I'm disappointed, but we'll come back next year with a bigger, longer, SuperLiga. That ought to do the trick."

The Don then added, "Thank god Cruz Azul are in DC United's group. That oughta be good for another 5-0 beatdown in Mexico City, right?"

26 August 2008

EXCLUSIVE: New Gomito Country Song!

Ask not for whom la Barra sings. It sings for thee.
MLS Rumors² has an exclusive for you! A confidential inside source just sent us the lyrics to Christian Gomez' hawt new country tune, "Commerce City Blues" - check it out:
I hear la Barra singin'
They're bouncing in the stands
And I ain't seen 90 minutes since I don't know when,
I'm stuck in Commerce City, and time keeps draggin' on
But those fans keep a singin' on down in Wash-ing-ton...
When I was just a baby my mama said, "Christian,
Always be a good boy, don't ever make demands."
But I ended up a Rapid just for an extra year
When I hear those fans a singin', I hang my head in tears...

I bet there's players playin' in a fancy tournament
They're probably speakin' Spanish and can't hear my lament.
Well I know I had it coming, I know I can't be free
But those fans keep a singin'
And that's what tortures me...

Well if they freed me from the Big Dick,
If la Barra sang for me
I bet I'd move it on right back to Washington, D.C.
Far from Commerce City, that's where I want to stay
And I'd let la Barra Brava sing my blues away...

25 August 2008

Goff sprains finger; out 3-4 weeks

Goff: not immune from DC's injury plague
The injury bug that has plagued DC United all season spread into the press box this Saturday, as ace Washington Post staff writer and Legendary Soccer Insider Steven "Goff" Goff sprained his left ring finger. He is currently expected to miss 3-4 weeks, but is flying to Munich, Germany today to consult with legendary surgeon Dr. Ulrike Muschaweck. In his absence, his slot will be filled by backup Paul Tenorio.

MLS Rumors² caught up with Goff on his way to Dulles airport: "It's a bit of a blur, but I think I sprained it typing the 's' in 'shutout'. I just haven't had to type that word much this season, and I think the long layoff really hurt me." When asked if this was all just a boondoggle to finagle a trip to Munich, Goff replied: "This interview is over."