tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7607693106292299792024-03-05T01:53:16.952-05:00MLS Rumors RumorsFor the time between posts on MLS RumorsEdTheRedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02076404906604458623noreply@blogger.comBlogger239125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-760769310629229979.post-29368693606177818862015-06-12T11:07:00.001-04:002015-06-12T11:07:40.695-04:00Source: Klinsmann to Call Up Retired Reyna: "He's Just Straight Trolling Landon"CHICAGO, June 12, 2015 -<br />
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A source inside U.S. Soccer confirmed that United States Men's National Team manager Jurgen Klinsmann is "seriously considering" calling up retired midfielder Claudio Reyna for the upcoming CONCACAF Gold Cup tournament. Reyna will join midfielder/defender Damarcus Beasley, also called up by Klinsmann despite having retired from National Team duty following last year's FIFA World Cup.<br />
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Donovan In Happier Times</blockquote>
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"He's just straight trolling [retired forward/midfielder/water fountain model] Landon [Donovan] at this point," said the source, who asked for anonymity because "Everyone at, like, the C.I.A. and in Congress get anonymity, so, like, why can't Carl Anderson? It's not like Carl Anderson isn't an important person! Carl Anderson has friends in the business! Carl Anderson is, like, the friggin' Rickey Henderson of the U.S. Soccer Logistics department!"<br />
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The anonymous source continued: "I mean, we all thought there was no way Jurgen could top what he did to Landon last year," when Klinsmann famously cut Donovan from the final World Cup roster, "but he's really sticking the knife in now. It's amazing. No one really knows why Klinsy hates him so much, but he really does. We heard a rumor one time that Landon crushed him in a game of FIFA, playing as Arsenal, and that Landon was, like, just talking shit the whole time, just, like, 30 minutes of 'What do we think of Tottenham?' and shit like that. But that's just a rumor man, so, like, don't put that into your article."EdTheRedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02076404906604458623noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-760769310629229979.post-11970844469605751712015-06-05T14:17:00.000-04:002015-06-05T14:32:06.896-04:00Rumor: DC United Owners Meet With Charles Town, WV OfficialsCharles Town, West Virginia, June 5, 2015<br />
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MLS Rumors Rumors has learned that DC United ownership has recently been conducting meetings with officials of Charles Town, WV, to discuss the possibility of opening a new, soccer-specific stadium and training center as part of the Hollywood Casino at Charles Town Races development.</div>
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Said one anonymous team official, "We realized that we just couldn't rely 100% on [Virginia governor Terry] McAuliffe to sabotage our deal with the District, so we decided we needed to pursue other options. The possibility of building a new stadium so close to our Martinsburg fanbase, while at the same time being able to incorporate not just slot machines, but actual table games, such as blackjack and Texas hold 'em, into our game-day in-stadium experience? Talk about maximizing game day revenue streams! It's just too good a possibility not to explore further. I mean, it's not like we've got a stadium deal already in place, because there is very clearly a 'no no-backsies' clause in our agreement with the District. Plus, we were totally crossing our fingers behind our backs when we signed that deal."</div>
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Future home of DC United?</blockquote>
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Another senior team official added, "Look, let's be clear, we don't give a rat's ass about anything other than maximizing our return when we sell the team to whatever energy drink company or random emirate can pony up the most cash in a few years, and we're going to do whatever it takes to achieve maximum return on a minimum investment. I mean, have you <i>seen</i> our payroll? Around here, 'DP' stands for 'Don't Pay...as in we Don't Pay shit!'"</div>
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When asked for comment regarding the team's possible relocation to West Virginia, United head coach Ben Olsen replied, "Dude, wait...what?"</div>
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Loudoun County officials were blindsided by United's meetings with Charles Town. "What the hell?!" said one official, who requested anonymity because Steven Skragmore is a really, really unique name, and everyone would know it was him if we used it. "We had a handshake deal in place to replace the written deal they have in place with DC! What kind of backstabbing shenanigans is this? Who the hell do these guys think they are? This isn't fair! DC United belongs in Virginia, not some podunk hicktown in West Virginia with nothing but cow patties and gambling! Wait, you're not going to use my name, right? Because I wouldn't want to piss off a whole state that can't even get non-contaminated drinking water right..."</div>
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District of Columbia mayor Muriel Bowser was in a meeting with Bruce Allen and Dan Snyder, and was unavailable for completely fabricated comment.</div>
EdTheRedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02076404906604458623noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-760769310629229979.post-22843310940137208662011-01-19T08:49:00.007-05:002015-06-05T13:46:54.158-04:00BREAKING: DC United Trades 2012 Picks For Beer, Ham Sandwich<a href="http://otrsportsonline.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/Jayson-Werth.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><br /></a>
Washington, DC:<br />
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MLS Rumors Rumors has received word from Kevin Payne's wife's hairdresser's bartender's cousin that DC United has traded all of its 2012 MLS Supah! Draft and Supplah-MENTAL! Draft picks to Houston in exchange for six cases of Dos Equis and a ham sandwich.<br />
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Kevin Payne (artist's depiction)</blockquote>
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Taylor Gourmet, Rumored Home of United's Incoming Ham Sandwich</blockquote>
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We contacted KP for comment, and he confirmed the move, stating: "Ah, fuck it, we weren't gonna do anything with those picks anyway. At least Houston might actually draft someone we can identify as a possible trade target in a few years. Plus, the ham sandwich will come from a deli of our choice. We haven't made a final decision yet, but we're leaning towards Taylor Gourmet on H St. "<br />
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When asked why Dos Equis, of all beer, KP replied: "I don't always drink beer, but when I do, I prefer <span style="font-style: italic;">Dos Equis</span>. Stay thirsty, my friends!"<br />
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Don't worry, KP, it's gonna take United supporters more than just one or two beers to make it through this season.EdTheRedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02076404906604458623noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-760769310629229979.post-17480983819927297432010-11-29T15:10:00.001-05:002010-11-29T15:19:01.294-05:00DC United Introduces Ben Olsen as New Head CoachIntroductory statements from KP and Benny at today's press conference:<br /><br /><object width="480" height="390"><param name="movie" value="http://www.xtranormal.com/site_media/players/jwplayer.swf"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><param name="flashvars" value="height=390&width=480&file=http://newvideos.xtranormal.com/web_final_lo/8cf71ec6-fbf0-11df-90a1-003048d6740d_3.mp4&image=http://newvideos.xtranormal.com/web_final_lo/8cf71ec6-fbf0-11df-90a1-003048d6740d_3.jpg&link=http://www.xtranormal.com/watch/7863981&searchbar=false&autostart=false"><embed src="http://www.xtranormal.com/site_media/players/jwplayer.swf" width="480" height="390" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" flashvars="height=390&width=480&file=http://newvideos.xtranormal.com/web_final_lo/8cf71ec6-fbf0-11df-90a1-003048d6740d_3.mp4&image=http://newvideos.xtranormal.com/web_final_lo/8cf71ec6-fbf0-11df-90a1-003048d6740d_3.jpg&link=http://www.xtranormal.com/watch/7863981&searchbar=false&autostart=false"></embed></object><object width="480" height="390"><param name="movie" value="http://www.xtranormal.com/site_media/players/embedded-xnl-stats.swf"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.xtranormal.com/site_media/players/embedded-xnl-stats.swf" width="1" height="1" allowscriptaccess="always"></embed></object>EdTheRedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02076404906604458623noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-760769310629229979.post-7786096393424243562010-11-28T21:45:00.003-05:002010-11-28T21:51:47.889-05:00Breaking: DC United to Select New CoachThis just in from the Internet rumor mill. Reviled manager Jose Mourinho is looking to escape the troubles of Real Madrid and is looking for a quiet place to unwind and go on the lam.<br /><br />Could he be the next DC United manager?<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBuVN5O3lOV8tVSI2imvABdqaSfuChpBib6deEToQnaAqwOrTM8Z4gPyP-uPaIrw3cUPVPnXTYOcripm-ORYCtBblGftZZyltWMYhUsHFmVThamijRj1LLIr_p9DjJDXofTueHFowVkVY/s1600/josemourinho.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBuVN5O3lOV8tVSI2imvABdqaSfuChpBib6deEToQnaAqwOrTM8Z4gPyP-uPaIrw3cUPVPnXTYOcripm-ORYCtBblGftZZyltWMYhUsHFmVThamijRj1LLIr_p9DjJDXofTueHFowVkVY/s200/josemourinho.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5544798417520956018" /></a><br /><br /><blockquote>Mourinho is just crazy enough to get the genius of Kevin Payne and Dave Kasper.</blockquote>Revelationhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15642602362844923834noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-760769310629229979.post-28984424877125971012010-11-24T17:06:00.013-05:002010-11-29T09:34:22.735-05:00Breaking: The MLS Changes Don Garber Did NOT Announce<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCfADxi4lcC4pRPK97BDzUS_qeJdbFPoZvVsTXlhp6xsGFnQB1MUhiWsPEHP7UFqg1CkbfMOUz2bcYaNa4zvXVHrAaUkLjR1IDH-VMlgjndx2vNs5HGYoo4koseloHtP39hcoh2GRkemk/s1600/MLSLogo.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 200px; height: 177px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCfADxi4lcC4pRPK97BDzUS_qeJdbFPoZvVsTXlhp6xsGFnQB1MUhiWsPEHP7UFqg1CkbfMOUz2bcYaNa4zvXVHrAaUkLjR1IDH-VMlgjndx2vNs5HGYoo4koseloHtP39hcoh2GRkemk/s200/MLSLogo.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5543246048377815346" border="0" /></a><br />We all know that MLS has many things in the works and they are trying to balance the people that follow soccer (or football, if you want the better known name) and the people that only come out because their little kids play recreation soccer and got free tickets. MLS headquarters has been all abuzz with new changes expected over the next few years to secretly appease the football aficionados without alienating the US American public (which to date really has ignored MLS, anyway...).<br /><br />Top secrets Garber does not want you to know:<br /><br /><h3>Promotion/Relegation</h3><br />Yes, it is coming to MLS. However, because everyone knows that after paying a multi-million dollar franchise fee, the operator/owners are unwilling to be placed into a second division, MLS is working out a compromise, whereby the last place team in the stronger conference will be sent to the weaker conference and the top team in the weaker conference will be sent to the stronger conference. The strength of the conferences will be determined by the all-star balloting - the conference which sends more players to the All-Star game will judged the stronger.<br /><br /><h3>Single Table</h3><br />You might think with the above organization that MLS will forever neglect the single table, however, this is not the case. In all league announcements, the teams will be ranked in a single table. This ranking will have no bearing on the playoff set up, which will be done by conference. Thus it will be possible for the #5 ranked team to be the top seed in their conference.<br /><br /><h3>End to the Eastern and Western Conferences</h3><br />MLS has started to evaluate the need to change the format from East vs. West to North vs. South. According to team location evaluators Harvey Mason and George Dixon, there will be a line drawn somewhere across the US to divide things into North and South.<br /><br /><h3>International Calendar</h3><br />With the division of North and South, MLS will play a split schedule that aligns with the European schedule. All of the Southern Conference teams will host matches from October through March and the Northern Conference will host August/September and April/May. MLS Cup will become a fixture on Memorial Day Sunday at 8pm Eastern Daylight Time.<br /><br /><h3>Supporters Shield</h3><br />The league is debating providing more importance to the Supporters Shield winner. One proposal is that the winner will be allowed to have a roster depth and salary cap equivalent to the LA Galaxy for the season after winning.<br /><br /><h3>Name Change</h3><br />Major League Soccer is seriously considering changing their name to the La Premier Bundesliga.Revelationhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15642602362844923834noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-760769310629229979.post-45036958157860310682010-11-24T16:53:00.003-05:002010-11-24T16:58:05.299-05:00Latest: Findley Accepts Mantle<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiD53C3YwZzkuUN4Yfv_5TeI063RWKNr3Tyc8muSNoc_QIJxOH0rMB9eGjdueglr5UtjQnvJkC48zAs7-oSpob34R-354eBus7n16gPjRLGYD0gQQBoYctoAJurIjHnGiWbGPvMMMPYg2o/s1600/US+Soccer.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 170px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiD53C3YwZzkuUN4Yfv_5TeI063RWKNr3Tyc8muSNoc_QIJxOH0rMB9eGjdueglr5UtjQnvJkC48zAs7-oSpob34R-354eBus7n16gPjRLGYD0gQQBoYctoAJurIjHnGiWbGPvMMMPYg2o/s200/US+Soccer.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5543238640903309810" /></a><br />In a secret ceremony deep within the bowels of the US Soccer Federation headquarters, Sunil Gulati oversaw the transfer of the sacred mantle once held by Real Salt Lake head coach Jason Kreis. Kreis is proud that Robbie Findley is taking it from Taylor Twellman. In a rumored interview after the ceremony, Kreis had this to say:<br /><br /><blockquote>”It is not easy to score a lot of goals in the league and still find yourself without goals at the National Team. Sometimes those guys set you up with a clear look and you have to somehow shank it. It is a real honor that Findley can take over this role from Twellman.” </blockquote>Revelationhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15642602362844923834noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-760769310629229979.post-44108655396856547822010-11-24T11:14:00.002-05:002010-11-24T11:19:33.298-05:00Canucks Spurn MLS Cup for Hockey<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipB1cG66_h2chTEpCuwrHNtiHqU3VZ1iXXJYAXvD54XxA7cCjZDtYoTaSHD9lRPE8U7luQMXvD2wOwpBch0Mq9T9DFFrNhmDdww_J2bAKeiJfViqev9eOsE3dX9yorPDyTii2CtEYxfw8/s1600/Canadian+Flag.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 133px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipB1cG66_h2chTEpCuwrHNtiHqU3VZ1iXXJYAXvD54XxA7cCjZDtYoTaSHD9lRPE8U7luQMXvD2wOwpBch0Mq9T9DFFrNhmDdww_J2bAKeiJfViqev9eOsE3dX9yorPDyTii2CtEYxfw8/s200/Canadian+Flag.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5543151506116828034" /></a><br /><br />While the official numbers appeared good for MLS Cup, in reality, many of those who bought tickets preferred to watch the Pee Wee North Toronto Hockey Jamboree than Colorado Rapids and FC Dallas battle for the coveted MLS Cup. According to rumors we have from a local bartender with connections to the Toronto region, the Hockey Jamboree was filled to its 60,000 person capacity and that several in attendance had tickets to the other match across town. Locals say that the Pee Wee tournament represents the best of ages 4 to 9 hockey in all of North Toronto, which is the source for some talent on the Canadian National Hockey Team.<br /><br /><blockquote>”When the weather gets cold in September, our thoughts all turn to the ice, enough with these other sports. Sure those guys at Toronto FC are still playing but it doesn’t mean anything, afterall their season is over in July.”</blockquote><br /><br />Fans at the Pee Wee North Toronto Hockey Jamboree were excited and thrilled with the event and several questioned about the MLS Cup happening across town replied, “Normally I would accept your inquiry in good sport but really I must quote a great Canadian, ‘Take off, you Hoser!’. Thank you.”<br /><br /><i>Note: Many Canadians suffered unnecessarily for the use of the stereotypes in this article.</i>Revelationhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15642602362844923834noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-760769310629229979.post-40573631939135049482010-11-23T19:12:00.004-05:002010-11-23T19:25:34.002-05:00Breaking: DC United Offers Draft PicksAfter hearing that the <a href="http://www.soccerbyives.net/soccer_by_ives/2010/11/a-look-back-at-the-2010-mls-cup-weekend.html#more">2011 Draft Class</a> is expected to be very deep, the DC United Front Office staff has issued the following press announcement:<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoGWhRAOR_lGBCBiU64LuuWXfAXIWHIsdh_HQop0WUsBc5AB4wy3qNC63Y5HgyqMGXSdaVv-HN80hyphenhyphen_ifjBi5iIYEQ7K5YryRoR5zEi9o3dAap2SwYzpJihHZr-UUWj3XVMBxaWPlwzzs/s1600/DC+Logo.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 109px; height: 150px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoGWhRAOR_lGBCBiU64LuuWXfAXIWHIsdh_HQop0WUsBc5AB4wy3qNC63Y5HgyqMGXSdaVv-HN80hyphenhyphen_ifjBi5iIYEQ7K5YryRoR5zEi9o3dAap2SwYzpJihHZr-UUWj3XVMBxaWPlwzzs/s200/DC+Logo.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5542904270879931474" /></a><br /><br /><blockquote>DC United has draft picks. You know that you want them. We are looking for the following in trade: 1) Plane tickets for four and luxury hotel stay in Argentina (Expecting to travel between November through February); 2) Plane tickets for one to Africa; 3) Plane tickets for four to Europe, luxury hotel stay in Europe and 4 luxury box tickets to the Champion's League Final(Travel between February through May). We are accepting bids at our offices at RFK stadium. Note: We are not interested in your players, ours are much better than any you have to offer.</blockquote>Revelationhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15642602362844923834noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-760769310629229979.post-30146031740835874362010-10-01T10:29:00.001-04:002010-10-01T10:33:04.577-04:00Upcoming: Hooligan Expert Agrees that MLS is about to EXPLODE<br>According to our interview with Pookie Sulfer, ex-hooligan from ENGLAND! and reformed author, MLS is about to explode in violence and hooliganism, the likes of which have not been seen since the bad bad 1980s and 1990s.<br /><br /><b>Mr. Sulfer, tell us a bit about why you believe that MLS is ripe for a hooligan invasion?</b><br /><br /><blockquote> “I ran with a pretty tough crew back in the day. We were the feared Black Street Ruffians that made many another hooligan group run with fear at just the sound of our name. We were so hard that the police had separate procedures to deal with our boys. We’d seriously mess up anyone that tried to invade our turf at Cream Puff Downs, which was named after the famous Cream Puff factory that closed down under Thatcher in favor of another Government ministry to repress the Irish. Anyway, we’d totally get all ultra-violent on other hooligan groups. They’d run so fast that they’d leave scarves and hats behind. We had quite the collection of found stuff in our headquarters.” </blockquote><br /><br /><b>All very interesting and exciting Mr. Sulfer, but what does that have to do with MLS?</b><br /><br /><blockquote> “I’m just telling like it is. That is hooliganism. I am out of that life now. After I broke my finger punching out some guy, I realized that there was more to life than just beating up people, so I became an author and wrote about all the cool stuff I did. Like that time when my ten mates and I jumped those two Blue Street Boys in the alley behind Hosters. That was great. We put a whooping on them. Gave them the fear of the Black Street Ruffians.” </blockquote><br /><br /><b>Um, what about MLS?</b><br /><br /><blockquote> “Oh, yea, just wanted to let you know what hooliganism can be like. It is not all friendly like it gets pictured in movies or on the telly. It is really hard and dangerous. It is coming here to the States, of that I can promise you. You have all the ingredients necessary: football, what you lot call soccer, fans, and stadiums. Once you have that, it is inevitable.” </blockquote><br /><br /><b>Any other evidence for your assertion?</b><br /><br /><blockquote> “Well just look at what kind of stick that bloke Becks is getting from fans. They are screaming at him from their seats. Those guys are willing to yell at their own players. I tell you, they are hard and will likely have words with people outside the stadium too! And when that happens it could come to blows. In DC, they get thousands of people to chant about wishing to crap on opposing team’s cities. I mean, they are advocating use of weapons of mass defecation upon innocents. That is rough. In Colorado, the hooligans are defying bans on swear words and using that harsh language to intimidate all the families that come to matches. I know from personally talking to people on Internet message boards, that a lot of people have abandoned going to Colorado Rapids games because of that hooligan behavior. And then there is the Columbus Crew Kickers fan groups. They got into with the legendary Green Street Hooligans, of movie fame, at an international friendly! You are telling me that MLS is not about to explode, it is because you haven’t been there in the trenches of hooligan violence and don’t know the signs.” </blockquote><br /><br /><b>And when is this outbreak of violence going to happen?</b><br /><br /><blockquote> “My guess is that as things wind down in the season towards the intensity of the playoffs, we’ll see an increasing level of violence. Look, in MLS, as the matches become more intense and more people stay away from the stadium, particularly during the playoffs, you are more likely to see a concentration of hard core support than at other times of the year. With the increased intensity of the match results, the concentration of hard core support that does not have the mitigating numbers of innocents and fair-weather fans could explode in an orgy of hooligan violence! I think we could see the use of pepper spray and tear gas to control the crowd. There is also a possibility that hooligans will use violence against marketing ploys from teams, like say if Santa Claus is part of a parade, I could see hooligans pelting him with batteries or coins. It would be carnage!” </blockquote>Revelationhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15642602362844923834noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-760769310629229979.post-23506582303199554842010-08-06T09:43:00.002-04:002010-08-06T10:03:43.412-04:00SuperFan Theater, Episode 1Behold, an MLS Rumors Rumors exclusive! It's the series premier of SuperFan Theater! That's right, whenever we get around to it, we'll be bringing you new episodes of SuperFan Theater, wherein SuperFans of various MLS teams engage in smack talk for the amusement of YOU, the MLS Rumors Rumors reader!<br /><br />So without further ado, here's Episode 1, featuring LA Galaxy SuperFan Tawper*, and his bestest buddy, Seattle Steve!<br /><br /><object style="background-image: url("http://i4.ytimg.com/vi/OoIEWgvpNfI/hqdefault.jpg");" height="344" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/OoIEWgvpNfI&hl=en_US&fs=1"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/OoIEWgvpNfI&hl=en_US&fs=1" allowscriptaccess="never" allowfullscreen="true" wmode="transparent" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" height="344" width="425"></embed></object><br /><br />*Tawper is in no way related to actual LA Galaxy fan Topper...Tawper may only be a cartoon character, but he's way, way taller.EdTheRedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02076404906604458623noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-760769310629229979.post-22401381205126464092010-08-04T17:25:00.008-04:002010-08-04T17:46:23.346-04:00Rumor: Kinnear Looking at DC Castoffs<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLAeJ12CGEQZ6hwpk5OVXmZX3Ems2i9achyphenhyphenb6qfm3ehYarBEJAuJP7rTjHAcfkA-s8N8AM4kAaAuHnpfO5Jbqn5lBHjrKlltcuUMKuWKBeOMhEvuxB-Rag3FK_p__0nRyzGO6PoxS5DpM/s1600/Kinnear.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 133px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLAeJ12CGEQZ6hwpk5OVXmZX3Ems2i9achyphenhyphenb6qfm3ehYarBEJAuJP7rTjHAcfkA-s8N8AM4kAaAuHnpfO5Jbqn5lBHjrKlltcuUMKuWKBeOMhEvuxB-Rag3FK_p__0nRyzGO6PoxS5DpM/s200/Kinnear.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5501672578671272882" /></a><br />After DC United boss Kevin Payne suggested that <a href="http://www.dcunited.com/news/2010/08/inside-the-rfk-locker-room">players not living up to DC United standards can look elsewhere</a>, Houston coach Dominic Kinnear is licking his chops (well Wade Barrett's chops) in anticipation. MLS Rumors Rumors has it on good authority of a certain person that has been to Texas (and not just the Alamo either!), that Kinnear is keen on several DC United players.<br /><br /><blockquote>"Last time they were tired of a player, we shipped them some of our dead weight and got Bobby Boswell. Once we nipped that bobbyboswell.com crap in the bud, he became a useful player. I can think of any number of guys up there in DC that would welcome a club with a good atmosphere, tradition of winning, excellent coaching, and an actual stadium that doesn't have rats, cats, and racoons."</blockquote><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8DsiVCc854atEb1j7Qk8HTdd0SQcz3ETkGRLmnUjTNXL8wqY_oQhrIzfqvDDRn0gO8rGMEDfaLF6Tk1VDJ4TcMhdj8oFscgAy7z_KBEH3C7kIB79aENgHfjYKW8CFa-sSdL1Tv-OJsfk/s1600/KP.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 94px; height: 95px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8DsiVCc854atEb1j7Qk8HTdd0SQcz3ETkGRLmnUjTNXL8wqY_oQhrIzfqvDDRn0gO8rGMEDfaLF6Tk1VDJ4TcMhdj8oFscgAy7z_KBEH3C7kIB79aENgHfjYKW8CFa-sSdL1Tv-OJsfk/s200/KP.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5501673245200924498" /></a>Kevin Payne's response was straight forward:<br /><br /><blockquote>"They can talk to them if they would like to get sued. But I don't think it will come to that because Dominic Kinnear is a gentleman. We have no intention to have any of our players come to Houston for a trial. They are under contract and if anybody tries to talk to them, we are prepared to file a lawsuit. This is DC. It's American contract law that applies here. Local law prevails. We have not been contacted. I am quite confident that if Houston wanted to talk to us about our players, Dominic would call me. They are all very, very special."</blockquote>Revelationhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15642602362844923834noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-760769310629229979.post-86412060755352241822010-08-04T15:32:00.002-04:002010-08-04T15:34:49.206-04:00EXCLUSIVE: KP and Kasper discuss transfer targets!WASHINGTON, DC: Our source, who we must again stress is not necessarily a raccoon, has provided us with another gem - exclusive footage of Kevin Jong-il and Dave Kasper discussing DC United's targets for the current transfer window! Enjoy!<br /><br /><object height="344" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/PYT-htEeV3A&hl=en_US&fs=1"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/PYT-htEeV3A&hl=en_US&fs=1" allowscriptaccess="never" allowfullscreen="true" wmode="transparent" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" height="344" width="425"></embed></object>EdTheRedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02076404906604458623noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-760769310629229979.post-16246004816487945032010-08-04T14:38:00.002-04:002010-08-04T14:43:06.921-04:00EXCLUSIVE: Footage of 2004 meeting between Kevin Jong-il and Nowak!WASHINGTON, DC: A well-placed source, who may or may not be a raccoon who regularly scavenges through the RFK dumpsters, recently provided us with security camera footage from a 2004 meeting between Kevin Jong-il and United's head coach at the time, Piotr Nowak. Though the footage is grainy, and the sound a bit off, the two can clearly be heard to discuss Freddy Adu's lack of playing time. Enjoy this exclusive, folks!<br /><br /><object style="background-image: url("http://i2.ytimg.com/vi/Uwrx9eV3YLk/hqdefault.jpg");" height="344" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/Uwrx9eV3YLk&hl=en_US&fs=1"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/Uwrx9eV3YLk&hl=en_US&fs=1" allowscriptaccess="never" allowfullscreen="true" wmode="transparent" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" height="344" width="425"></embed></object>EdTheRedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02076404906604458623noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-760769310629229979.post-2407065723147980222010-08-04T10:53:00.013-04:002010-08-04T11:33:52.255-04:00Profile: Kevin Jong-il<style type="text/css">.picture { background-color: #F9F9F9;border: 1px solid #CCCCCC; padding: 3px;font: 11px/0.7em Arial, sans-serif; }.picture img { border: 1px solid #CCCCCC;vertical-align:middle; margin-bottom: 3px; }.right { margin: 0.5em 0pt 0.5em 0.8em; float:right; }.left { margin: 0.5em 0.8em 0.5em 0; float:left; }</style><br /><div class="picture right" style="width: 278px;"> <img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiY4X8MjiiSZhEhcp1nnPl6I6vwv1DF8yFUJoIK9de4oDPvvSuBaQ2fAlr9IWuCfqjpCdqgATWFqmewj4iUeFzqIk3EE4gIRdOha_8OUSGk7X0E-ZE-WP_11bp2BjkfVMoFDHi3O0JDMX8/s1600/kevinjong-il.png" alt="Kevin Jong-il" /><br />Kevin Jong-il (undated image, released by MLSRumors² in August 2008) Sunglasses and business casual are Kevin Jong-il's trademark</div>The little that is known about Kevin Jong-il, D.C. United's leader, conjures up a caricature of a diminutive playboy, a comic picture at odds with his brutal regime.<br /><br />Former coaches and players talk of a vain, paranoid, cognac-guzzling hypochondriac.<br /><br />He is said to wear platform shoes to appear taller than his 1.57m (5ft 3in).<br /><br />But analysts are undecided whether his eccentricities mask the cunning mind of a master manipulator or betray an irrational madman.<br /><br />Mr Kevin may well encourage the myth-making surrounding him precisely in order to keep the soccer world guessing. D.C. United has little to bargain with, and ignorance breeds fear.<br /><br /><h3>Film buff</h3><br />The analysis of him as a mercurial fantasist is certainly beguiling.<br /><br /><blockquote>"I know I'm an object of criticism in the world but if I am being talked about, I must be doing the right things"<br />Kevin Jong-il</blockquote><br /><br />He is said to have a library of 20,000 Hollywood movies and to have even written a book on the cinema. He even went so far as to engineer the kidnapping, in 1998, of a MLS Soccer promo commercial director and his girlfriend.<br /><br />This taste for the exotic apparently extends to gastronomy.<br /><br />Galin Ivanov, a Bulgarian emissary who traveled with Mr Kevin by train across Russia, reported that the D.C. United leader had live lobsters air-lifted to the train every day which he ate with silver chopsticks.<br /><br />The two men shared champagne with a bevy of female companions of "utmost beauty and intelligence", according to Mr Ivanov.<br /><br />Mr Kevin also has a reputation as a drinker.<br /><br />He was seen draining 10 glasses of wine during his 2000 summit with NY/NJ Metrostars President Charlie Stillitano and is known to have a taste for Hennessy VSOP cognac.<br /><br /><h3>Strategist</h3><br />But such an unlikely reputation masks Mr Kevin's dangerous past.<br /><br />Nor should it be assumed that eccentricity means inability. Mr Kevin is said to follow assiduously international events on the internet and some see him as a clever manipulator, willing to take great risks to underpin his regime - such as his apparent decision to test a rookie coach.<br /><br />USSF Chief Sunil Gulati, who has met Mr Kevin, said that the D.C. United leader was very well informed and "not delusional".<br /><br />"I found him very much on top of his brief," he added, although he noted that some of the comments he made about his plans for D.C. United sounded illogical.<br /><br /><h3>Birth 'blessed'</h3><br />The cult surrounding Kevin Jong-il extends even to his birth. He was born in Siberia in 1941 when his father, Kevin Il-sung, was in exile in the former Soviet Union.<br /><br />But according to official D.C. United accounts, he was born in a log cabin at his father's guerrilla base on the Washington Redskins former Ashburn training facility, in February 1942.<br /><br />The event was reportedly marked by a double rainbow and a bright star in the sky.<br /><br />But he did not hold any positions of real power until 1995, when he took control of the nascent MLS Club - despite his lack of soccer experience.<br /><br />Analysts believe he was given the position to counter potential resistance to his eventual megalomania.<br /><br />Typically, he has kept his choice of successor close to his chest, if indeed he has made a decision.<br /><br />Speculation has often focused on his eldest puppy, but one MLSRumors² report suggested that he had named his third goldfish.Agent 009http://www.blogger.com/profile/03654785924407142457noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-760769310629229979.post-26396126011057034842010-08-01T15:36:00.004-04:002010-08-01T15:51:22.933-04:00Rumor: Coffee Talk Too Much for Ljungberg<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyShbMWipwUDNQIOQ8D0202pAyY-QwQqOMWLoD8Yrd1ClhfcDCL-SkyC3f8RZWhfnUhjnHJnc_M4gwXmT0MbwHFyBAkvDSXIVMFdbNmXL6-7MOe7AXQbbB6A8rcre7ta6DnkR7XyEfr2I/s1600/Ljungberg.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 112px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyShbMWipwUDNQIOQ8D0202pAyY-QwQqOMWLoD8Yrd1ClhfcDCL-SkyC3f8RZWhfnUhjnHJnc_M4gwXmT0MbwHFyBAkvDSXIVMFdbNmXL6-7MOe7AXQbbB6A8rcre7ta6DnkR7XyEfr2I/s200/Ljungberg.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5500530967784097058" /></a><br />What caused Freddie Ljungberg to turn sour on Seattle? Was it the weather? After years in England and Sweden, he has to be used to steady gray rainy days for months on end. Was it the quality of play? We all know that Seattle invented the game and under Sigi Schmidt have tried to play a quick game that works with their artificial turf field. Was it the fear of Sigi's belly? While rumors have persisted that Sigi eats players that bother him, there were no indications that the Swede would have ended up on the menu. Was it the artificial turf? Freddie is an aging star and has to look out for his legs after injuries hampered his work in the English Premier League, the turf cannot have felt great on those shattered ankles. <br /><br />The TRUTH: it was none of the above!<br /><br />MLS Rumors Rumors spoke with a local barrista with connections to a Seattle barrista, who often serves the Sounders FC players. According to our source, Freddie Ljungberg tired of the coffee talk.<br /><br /><blockquote>"He hated coming into the shop. He came because Sigi would sit on him if he didn't. All he wanted to do was talk about modeling and underwear but the rest of the guys wanted nothing to do with that. They all wanted to discuss coffee. They would spend hours discussing roasting techniques, brewing tips, varieties of beans, and different methods of frothing. I heard that he even did that landing strip mohawk just to have them talk about something else. It worked for all of five minutes."</blockquote>Revelationhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15642602362844923834noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-760769310629229979.post-24314067822837393322010-07-31T18:02:00.002-04:002010-07-31T18:09:15.820-04:00Rumor: Wayne Rooney Upset By Red Bull Snub<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiE2ra7y8in1JVpHDsRVagcUgmLAgGyBp9z9-RZt3V4uzlX4gbfdRcJ7_Zw1_88_1wO1ru48W8UBk4LqiSAOhH-Zv8P3iMCEblY1KaWVnNIPH3n4lVqJghgaJXIK7UWLEJnF9sVaNIWlIY/s1600/WayneRooney.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 162px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiE2ra7y8in1JVpHDsRVagcUgmLAgGyBp9z9-RZt3V4uzlX4gbfdRcJ7_Zw1_88_1wO1ru48W8UBk4LqiSAOhH-Zv8P3iMCEblY1KaWVnNIPH3n4lVqJghgaJXIK7UWLEJnF9sVaNIWlIY/s200/WayneRooney.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5500194360763070738" /></a><br /><br />The summer seems to be getting worse for English forward Wayne Rooney. After his disappointing showing at the FIFA World Cup 2010 in South Africa (Sponsored by Diamond Jack Travels, who reminds you that without the money from tours booked from the US, he cannot call the referees before matches to wish them fair play!), Wayne Rooney has suffered another fall from grace - he has yet to be mentioned in the transfer swirl surrounding Red Bull New York Red Bulls of Harrison, New Jersey.<br /><br /><blockquote>"Every player worth his salt has been linked with a move to north Jersey, so I guess that means Rooney is a has-been."</blockquote><br /><br />Fans of the untriumphant club in northern New Jersey are quick to point out that although they would not turn down an offer of Wayne Rooney, he really would be second or third choice. Afterall, they are a super club and need someone that will not take the spotlight from Seth Stammler.Revelationhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15642602362844923834noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-760769310629229979.post-84156846143335230622010-07-30T16:53:00.003-04:002010-07-30T16:55:12.239-04:00Latest: New Conference Arrangement for 2011<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh33bCmGfSxX0wnoL0G0fSvbrav_9pFTRdU9Fhwc-kYVCnX1Oh3mi1mdI9qgq-alB-TspifvU6V1FN0epgGK547gXO9hPE5O1_zoBbvYSuVJcCY7faXAr5aFWCXd-Pf9JEe_x6cGgbxOEo/s1600/MLSLogo.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 177px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh33bCmGfSxX0wnoL0G0fSvbrav_9pFTRdU9Fhwc-kYVCnX1Oh3mi1mdI9qgq-alB-TspifvU6V1FN0epgGK547gXO9hPE5O1_zoBbvYSuVJcCY7faXAr5aFWCXd-Pf9JEe_x6cGgbxOEo/s200/MLSLogo.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5499805531063084242" /></a><br />According to the latest rumors surrounding the back alleys and train platforms of Grand Central Station, the MLS will be announcing two new conference divisions for next season. They are quite simply: Salary Cap Applicable Conference versus Salary Cap Not Applicable Conference.<br /><br />The Salary Cap Not Applicable Conference will consist of Red Bull New York Red Bulls of Harrison, New Jersey, Los Angeles Galaxy, and Seattle Sounders FC. Everyone else will be in the Salary Cap Applicable Conference. Seeding for the playoffs will consist of three teams from the Salary Cap Not Applicable conference and five teams from the Salary Cap Applicable Conference.Revelationhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15642602362844923834noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-760769310629229979.post-80804863724139848892010-07-30T08:46:00.002-04:002010-07-30T08:48:40.860-04:00Breaking: SAF Endorses Curt Onalfo<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjy7Ilc202eavEsXFyWGG8oV4Ggb3pQ9ZC7gxclzjn9T1NIZcpOxSk-Ru6Lr72sRaw1Z8dolSZaj054G60GfoKl7R8XLfTg774JsFPLG46bvPn5PquR1CbrxCg51N8Crvphgzt7djhbtaI/s1600/SAF.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 136px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjy7Ilc202eavEsXFyWGG8oV4Ggb3pQ9ZC7gxclzjn9T1NIZcpOxSk-Ru6Lr72sRaw1Z8dolSZaj054G60GfoKl7R8XLfTg774JsFPLG46bvPn5PquR1CbrxCg51N8Crvphgzt7djhbtaI/s200/SAF.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5499680084217916562" /></a><br />With the season slipping away quickly from DC United, Curt Onalfo has received a huge boost of confidence from one of his peers. In a hurried response to a random question, Manchester United boss Sir Alex Ferguson had this to say about Curt Onalfo:<br /><br /><blockquote> “I like Curt. I like his approach. I think he’s got a steely determination about him. I think he’s done a fantastic job. I’m surprised DC United have not sprinted to his house to get him a new contract.” </blockquote><br /><br />In other news, Sir Alex has also endorsed Raymond Domenech, Maradona, Greg Andrulis, and Fernando Clavijo.Revelationhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15642602362844923834noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-760769310629229979.post-4709234607733146812010-07-23T20:01:00.003-04:002010-07-23T20:06:33.553-04:00Confusion: MLS in Conflict over Records<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjV5VT6j-_3p3mK1aJhJg5ZFxcG-F3o6F5qhrW1CZuDPygfAR0GNPxIS9V-VMnJ55Kcoa4WjlFVWlkBS6LIeM6L2eN7RczpDEPbdWyToL8BYYg6k7r0UaeK4yADZDqz1CiP7XGwjjNto40/s1600/MLSLogo.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 177px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjV5VT6j-_3p3mK1aJhJg5ZFxcG-F3o6F5qhrW1CZuDPygfAR0GNPxIS9V-VMnJ55Kcoa4WjlFVWlkBS6LIeM6L2eN7RczpDEPbdWyToL8BYYg6k7r0UaeK4yADZDqz1CiP7XGwjjNto40/s200/MLSLogo.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5497256849944851218" /></a><br />We have it on good authority from a bankrupt all-you-care-to-eat restaurant owner in Seattle that Seattle Sounders FC have informed the MLS of their intent to have the records prior to the 2009 season expunged. According to our source, the Sounders management feels that since the Sounders did not exist, it was impossible for MLS to exist.<br /><br /><blockquote> “See, we invented MLS. How can there be records for MLS before our team because the league did not exist before our team? Reminds me of the questions of a how Chewbacca could be on the moon of Endor. If we did not exist, you must acquit.”</blockquote><br /><br />No word from the MLS Supremo, the Don, on this development or the counter proposal from DC United. According to signals from well placed sources at a well known smoke shop in Virginia, DC United would like to eliminate the records for the MLS seasons post 2004.<br /><br /><blockquote> “Who even knows who played in the MLS Cup since 2004? It makes no sense to keep awarding the trophy if you cannot even remember the finalists. After all, everyone remembers fondly the late 1990s when DC United had that dynasty. We should just bank on that and forget about the league titles since 2004. We can just award everyone a participant certificate.” </blockquote><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKo0Eov2JtprTSYkP9Iw15r921JziVSJ-FsrEdGDB1ip4p9BvX6ju_Of8fZZFcUSA1y470gqKSL2Vy1gq05PYjOvffUpGJK4qM8MaQGMEv4yeOpkaZg1zjH-r5baypGvbDqk5uQRPCUIY/s1600/Participantribbon.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 56px; height: 192px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKo0Eov2JtprTSYkP9Iw15r921JziVSJ-FsrEdGDB1ip4p9BvX6ju_Of8fZZFcUSA1y470gqKSL2Vy1gq05PYjOvffUpGJK4qM8MaQGMEv4yeOpkaZg1zjH-r5baypGvbDqk5uQRPCUIY/s200/Participantribbon.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5497257311628776498" /></a><br />Sources state that the Red Bull New York Red Bulls of Harrison, New Jersey are backing the DC United plan, although, they are seeking an amendment to eliminate all MLS Cup records in favor of participant medals.Revelationhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15642602362844923834noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-760769310629229979.post-62300995676267404502010-07-22T09:58:00.005-04:002010-07-22T13:44:40.260-04:00BREAKING: DC United Announce Bid For 2011 Lamar Hunt U.S. Open Cup<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwvdtWUlUpObn0qpUGt0NGElH0DpZPKH-cEkbh_r0uD8w1nEg5i2s14p4VawjUSVG5pV555GJG1PEvM7kx5fCR5rki5zLlBcQG_my5musMRETJk-DVsDRftcl1mLBTOLNl-1eFlv1mXa8/s1600/opencup.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwvdtWUlUpObn0qpUGt0NGElH0DpZPKH-cEkbh_r0uD8w1nEg5i2s14p4VawjUSVG5pV555GJG1PEvM7kx5fCR5rki5zLlBcQG_my5musMRETJk-DVsDRftcl1mLBTOLNl-1eFlv1mXa8/s400/opencup.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5496786545631972962" /></a><blockquote>United Supporters Celebrate the Announcement of the Team's Bid for the 2011 Lamar Hunt U.S. Open Cup</blockquote><br />WASHINGTON, DC: DC United today announced that they have presented the U.S. Soccer Federation with a bid for the 2011 Lamar Hunt U.S. Open Cup. For several seasons, opponents have complained about United's penchant for only playing Open Cup matches at home, and the team has decided to take things to the logical next step for next year's competition.<br /><br />A United spokesman gave the following statement at a press event this morning: "Here at DC United, our motto is 'It Takes More,' and we try to extend that to everything we do. For next year, that means submitting a bid to bring the Open Cup back here where it belongs. We think the numbers in our bid are solid, and we expect to be awarded the Cup once the Federation has examined the package."<br /><br />When asked whether the team felt it's supporters would care that United was attempting to acquire the Cup without actually competing for it, the spokesman replied, "Hey, bidding is, by definition, a competition. If Seattle really wants the Cup, they're welcome to try to outbid us."EdTheRedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02076404906604458623noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-760769310629229979.post-63245464799288576162010-07-12T09:20:00.007-04:002010-07-12T10:30:13.221-04:00Breaking: DHS Seeking Thierry Henry in Coyote Plot<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtSujPH_i9hv7yXejYdVd-vPg0M547k-R_cAIlHCF9DCckEnVDdJBpzUx343rMfw7LucHNkGLSuasvrGygE0AUz_s4SpwwUHB9naPf-ynE0VQhJ9CTlsANCMSxSVZGUAdnbcxOfMkqVOY/s1600/Henry.jpg"><img style="float: left; margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; cursor: pointer; width: 150px; height: 113px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtSujPH_i9hv7yXejYdVd-vPg0M547k-R_cAIlHCF9DCckEnVDdJBpzUx343rMfw7LucHNkGLSuasvrGygE0AUz_s4SpwwUHB9naPf-ynE0VQhJ9CTlsANCMSxSVZGUAdnbcxOfMkqVOY/s200/Henry.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5493009113652397026" border="0" /></a>According to an unnamed and unconfirmed source, the Department of Homeland Security is seeking Thierry Henry for questioning in connection with alleged trafficking in soccer players. The former Arsenal player jumped ship for the warmer shores of Spain to play for Barcelona but ended up sitting on the bench a lot because, come on, a guy his age just doesn't have the quality a top side need. The aging striker is now under suspicion of smuggling players into the US.<br /><br />Unconfirmed speculation is that he had stashed the entire starting lineup of Paris St. Germain in his garage, awaiting MLS signings. Unfortunately for him, no one in MLS had heard of them and no team with room under the salary cap was willing to take them on consignment without more than video evidence (DC United was reportedly "very, very interested," but was still looking to make a deal for cap room and DP slots at the time this article went to publication). Henry's neighbors called the authorities after the smells emanating from the garage became overpowering; when the police opened the garage, they found the Parisian squad sitting around smoking Gauloises cigarettes, eating ham and brie on buttered baguettes, and misting cologne over their unwashed bodies. The police tried to help the players but were rebuffed until a translator was brought to the scene, at which point they were mercilessly taunted until they left.Revelationhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15642602362844923834noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-760769310629229979.post-88269019477015067822010-07-10T06:12:00.008-04:002010-07-10T07:09:03.659-04:00Breaking: Beckerman Seeks Octopus' Advice<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjm2ahbwBZHTArt3HuhXwOFVLJzwpcno2L2DRNL5JJrM7uhMG8MoIlhAyfSkGOW4xKX1sNqwrx04sKgtvpv4fy9O5QS4Fmh-hHLx-fAcV_iFJnurmKv1p8bExI-wV-rLmswovkKf6HLulQ/s1600/Beckerman.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 124px; height: 77px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjm2ahbwBZHTArt3HuhXwOFVLJzwpcno2L2DRNL5JJrM7uhMG8MoIlhAyfSkGOW4xKX1sNqwrx04sKgtvpv4fy9O5QS4Fmh-hHLx-fAcV_iFJnurmKv1p8bExI-wV-rLmswovkKf6HLulQ/s200/Beckerman.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5492218579975805170" /></a><br /><br />Kyle Beckerman is reportedly seeking the advice of Paul the Octopus regarding the future of his hair. The Real Salt Lake standout is making a decision on keeping his current hairstyle or sporting one of those Freddie Ljungberg landing strip mohawks.<br /><br /><br />After asking his normal consultative and decision making assistant, the Magic 8 Ball, if he should keep his current style, the Magic 8 Ball said:<br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDnXI2GLOeaxYXRgO7IUMAB28XR0VYxatvg7zANEeO26fwspDRqoNTfjkRuAiJynSbAad2Imw4jBbeC6TIKuwxoDr5CDMIhXKDYSeUb7IN3maUZlLHP72kYwhyphenhyphenZiKWhqqD81PPtDwnV-g/s1600/8ball.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 126px; height: 109px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDnXI2GLOeaxYXRgO7IUMAB28XR0VYxatvg7zANEeO26fwspDRqoNTfjkRuAiJynSbAad2Imw4jBbeC6TIKuwxoDr5CDMIhXKDYSeUb7IN3maUZlLHP72kYwhyphenhyphenZiKWhqqD81PPtDwnV-g/s200/8ball.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5492230204815234530" /></a><br />Mr. Beckerman decided that he needed a better oracle of wisdom and knowledge. Enter Paul the Octopus.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggGP9m3j8OZxcqr8Oxcmn-sCmBsmfqk7PYJNxALnMSRWNPXVCTmvkro8CXXH50uYbBapy5414QE7lfmiNcv18_vAgOaKoLIGM2tqTWwkv5UoMHNp384qAB_DRtV8iHvPCB2v8-rMSjswM/s1600/Paultheoctopus.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 130px; height: 62px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggGP9m3j8OZxcqr8Oxcmn-sCmBsmfqk7PYJNxALnMSRWNPXVCTmvkro8CXXH50uYbBapy5414QE7lfmiNcv18_vAgOaKoLIGM2tqTWwkv5UoMHNp384qAB_DRtV8iHvPCB2v8-rMSjswM/s200/Paultheoctopus.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5492226614828940850" /></a><br /><br />No word yet if Paul is willing to venture an oracle regarding such a monumental decision, however, his handlers are rumored to be seeking additional revenue streams taking advantage of the cephalopods' predictive abilities.Revelationhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15642602362844923834noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-760769310629229979.post-66674304551582558092010-07-09T16:51:00.004-04:002010-07-09T16:54:30.435-04:00Latest: MLS Rumors Rumors Staff Found!Yes, after weeks of not posting or postings regarding some piddly little tournament halfway around the world, we here at MLS Rumors Rumors have found our staff. They were literally passed out drunk in the basement of a local bar. One was mumbling over and over again: "Please, I won't quote you, but tell me what did Sebastian Veron's hair stylist say about Messi's interest in Real Salt Lake..."<br /><br />So, never fear, we will be back to regularly scheduled news updates any minute now!Revelationhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15642602362844923834noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-760769310629229979.post-22526266518204260562010-06-24T21:36:00.004-04:002010-06-25T18:09:27.380-04:00Latest: Rumors out of North Korea that the World Cup will be Cancelled!<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTeJeUMI90xJnn_wSklGBo0-Llywf-S7-ysaHFkKIaWr6H3rQeQWtm6ejK5E1IEumlm7ayW4SIQofCjKkqn0NA1WyjEGUtsWLzWsLkg98Q6b73wqSrinNY2fWixHuCK_PY-X8CC7giECk/s1600/WC2010.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 117px; height: 132px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTeJeUMI90xJnn_wSklGBo0-Llywf-S7-ysaHFkKIaWr6H3rQeQWtm6ejK5E1IEumlm7ayW4SIQofCjKkqn0NA1WyjEGUtsWLzWsLkg98Q6b73wqSrinNY2fWixHuCK_PY-X8CC7giECk/s200/WC2010.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5486520213324630866" /></a><br />According to our inside man, the United States has formed a coalition to end the World Cup early after North Korea shocked the world through defeating Brazil 2:1 and Portugal 10:7. These results have so surprised the western world and shown that through group effort and community and sacrifice, the most powerful country in the world can prevail over the coalition of capitalistic tyrannies. As a result, the third match for the brave North Korean Champions will not be televised.<br /><br />MLS Rumors Rumors will be hot on the trail of truth in this regard.<br /><br />Breaking update: Although the World Cup has been cancelled, a team of South Korean imposters donned North Korean uniforms and played a match, pretending to be our heroic team. The North Korean Federation protests this deception vigorously and condemns the captalist totalitarianism at fault. We only support the people's choice of football teams and the clear winner of the World Cup before cancellation was the Democratic Peoples Republic of Korea.Revelationhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15642602362844923834noreply@blogger.com2