31 July 2008

BREAKING: Revs-Atlante to Headline Wrestlemania XXV

Rating: 1 (Wrasslin' may not be real)

Rowdy Stevie NicolMLS Rumors Rumors has learned from a source inside WWE headquarters that the professional wrestling organization has been in contact with officials from both the New England Revolution and 2007 Mexican Clausura champions Atlante regarding headlining the WWE's marquee event, the upcoming Wrestlemania XXV, to be held on April 5, 2009, at Houston's Reliant Stadium (the event is on a Thursday, forcing organizers to move the proceedings from Robertson Stadium). Our source emailed us the following statement:
There's no love lost between these two sides. It's going to be no-holds-barred action between the bad boy luchadores from south of the border, the Catastrophe from Cancún, Atlante "The Giant" F.C. and the Battlers from the 'Boro, featuring Jay "The Undertaker" Heaps, Shalrie "Superfly" Joseph, and Taylor "Nature Boy" Twellman, The New England "Viva la" Revolución!. Only on PAY-PER-VIEW!!!

Sources confirm that, should Atlante win, they will receive a purse of $1,000,000. Should the Revs emerge victorious, each player and staff member will receive a certificate worth $500 at the Olive Garden. The Olive Garden: When you're here, you're family...now go clean your room.

When contacted for comment, New England Manager "Rowdy" Stevie Nicol smashed a coconut over this blogger's head and exclaimed, "Just when they think they know all the answers, I change the questions!"

(Pictured: Four-Time MLS Cup Runner-Up "Rowdy" Stevie Nicol)


maryjanejeff said...

On a semi serious note, that would be better than the current WWE product. While flipping channels on Monday, I left it on USA network but soon remembered why I don't watch WWE anymore.

You gotta get Stone Cold to sign on as Food and Beverage Director. He can drive the beer truck onto the pitch if anyone gets really, really out of line.

EdTheRed said...

Hmmm...well, there *is* a certain Chicago Fire player who will have some free time during U.S. Open Cup matches the next couple of years...

"...Oh my god! THAT'S BLANCO'S MUSIC!!!"

No Such Animal said...

Fine work.

The Rev will tear up the goals and beat 'em with the posts and crossbars.