08 August 2008

Breaking News: Salary Cap 2009

MLS Rumors Rumors' intrepid staff have worked sources from coffee shops, bars, restaurants, donut shoppes, and even an ill-advised Swedish Massage parlour (let's just say, it was as close to Gitmo as most of us would like to be). At long last, we have sourced the rumors about a change in the salary cap for the 2009 season. Garber and company have seen the attendance, merchandise, and ratings push gained from the David Beckham signing and have decided to offer teams a new option for some splash in the league.
MLS' object of obsession

According to a down on her luck Barrista from the soon to be closed coffee shop near MLS HQ, teams will be allowed to have up to four designated players accounting for up to $20 million in salary! Yes, $20 million! However, to keep parity (i.e. the Kraft amendment), teams that elect this option will have a maximum salary cap of $100,000 for the rest of the squad. Garber apparently told a bartender at a local hangout, "Look we needed some flash. After Beckham, none of the foreign signings have made any media hype. Who knows Angel or Gallardo or that guy from Toronto or that Hucksteraby dude? We need Ronaldo, hopefully all three of them on one team! We need Zidane and that Mazerati guy! MLS will go under if we don't get some more flashy players that everyone knows." Our sources believe that only two teams are currently interested in this option of four designated players, LA Galaxy and Red Bull New York Red Bulls of Harrison New Jersey. A bouncer at a well known music club in Los Angeles reported that a certain red haired patron stated, "we care about the American dudes too. I mean, this deal is all about their development. We can get Becks, Ronaldo, Ronaldihno, and Chris Ronaldo to help out with our developmental guys. You know, guys like Doug Merritt and that bearded guy and that cool music type guy with the goatee, and some of our other youngsters will get first team time with those great players. What could be better for a super club like ours?" When asked about the need for four designated players, Ruud Gullit said, "wait, wouldn't we be giving up one of our players if we only had four?"

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