05 August 2008

DEVELOPING: Nihilists Abscond With SuperLiga Prize Money!

MLS Rumors² has received word from an inside source that Nihilists have made off with the $1 million in SuperLiga prize money. In an interview, our source, known only as "The Dude," told us that Bunny Vergara, the trophy wife of one of MLS' millionaire owners, was kidnapped by a gang of Nihilists, and that said owner used the SuperLiga prize money to pay the ransom. Apparently, Mrs. Vergara has not yet been returned. Our source explained that, "This is a very complicated case, man. You know, a lotta ins, a lotta outs, a lotta what-have-yous. And uh, lotta strands to keep in my head, man. Lotta strands in old Duder's head."

The Suspects

MLS Rumors² also contacted the Malibu Sheriff's Department, whom we were told is handling the case. The Sheriff initially refused to comment, but when pressed, told us:
Mr. Vergara draws a lot of water in this town. You don't draw shit, MLS Rumors Rumors. Now we got a nice, quiet little beach community here, and I aim to keep it nice and quiet. So let me make something plain. I don't like you sucking around, bothering our citizens, Rumor-Boy. I don't like your jerk-off name. I don't like your jerk-off face. I don't like your jerk-off behavior, and I don't like you, jerk-off. Do I make myself clear?

To which this blogger replied, "I'm sorry, I wasn't listening."

This is a developing story. Check back with MLS Rumors² for updates!

1 comment:

Agent 009 said...

These are Nihilists, edthered. Don't worry, they're cowards.

Say what you like about the tenets of the Kolumbus Krew Kids, at least it's an ethos.