Breaking: DC United Identifies Midfielder

Scout/Director of Something/Former Assistant Coach Chad Ashton's trip to Argentina has gotten results. We at MLS Rumors Rumors utilizing our contacts in secret government agencies that you know nothing about and are probably unsavory, have uncovered the recent e-mail that Mr. Ashton sent back to the club. We print it in full below to keep you, the fan, informed. We print it because we can and we care about integrity and nothing says ethics like printing a hacked confidential e-mail.

So, without furth Adu ado:

Dave,

I think I've found our solution to our attacking midfield problem. We've got this Argentinian guy here that has some great moves and some awesome tape. He's got some MLS experience with a couple of teams, so he knows our league. Not only that but he has been voted MLS Best XI and won an MLS MVP award. The guy is quality and even helped his first team win an MLS Cup after joining mid-season. I think this guy would really be the boost we need to reach a mid-table level in the league. He's current keeping active but I think we could prize him away from his current club with the use of some allocation money. Perhaps we can trade for an allocation or DP slot, so that we can pick him up.

All the best,

Chad