28 April 2010
Breaking: DC United Front Office Struck with Injury Bug
According to the screaming heard in and around RFK Stadium, the injury bug has moved beyond the team and is now afflicting the front office of troubled DC United. In a freak stapler incident, both Curt Onalfo and Stephen Zack were injured. The injuries are apparently minor but will keep both men from using a stapler for four to six weeks. Goalkeeping coach Mark Simpson stubbed his toe and is reported to be unable to stand without wincing and is expected to be out for as many as three weeks. Additionally, we have it on the low down that at least three interns have voice issues from apologizing to irate callers and will be given light administrative duties until they recover within the next week.