25 July 2008

Behind the Scenes of the McBride Deal, Pt. I

MLS Rumors Rumors has received an exclusive insider's account of the real story behind Brian McBride's pending move to Chicago. Our source secretly recorded some of the key meetings at MLS HQ, and has provided us with the transcripts:

Meeting 1:
McBride: I don't know what to do. My kneecap is -- is weak. It's weak. Anyway, uh, if I was playing for the Fire, ya'know, it puts me right back up on top again. But this, uh -- this man out there, he won't trade my allocation rights; the GM of TFC.

The Don:
What's his name?

Johnston. Johnston. He won't give it to me -- and ah, he says there's no chance. No chance. A couple months ago he picked up my allocation rights. I'm a returning national team player -- and Chicago, it's where I'm from. I uh -- I wouldn't even have to try -- just stand there while Blanco bounces balls off my head. Oh, Godfather, I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do.

The Don: [SLAP!] YOU CAN ACT LIKE A *MAN*! What's the matter with you? Is this how you turned out? A British finocchio that ah cries like a woman? What can I do?! What can I do?! What is that nonsense? Ridiculous.


The Don: You want to spend time with your family in Chicago?

McBride: Sure I do.

The Don: Good. Because a man who doesn't spend time with his family can never be a real man.


The Don: Come here. You look terrible. I want you to eat. I want you to rest a while. And in a month from now, this -- Scottish bigshot's gonna give you what you want.

McBride: It's too late. The season's already more than half over.

The Don: I'm gonna make him an offer he can't refuse. Now you just go outside and enjoy yourself, and ah, forget about all this nonsense. I want you to leave it all to me.

NEXT: The Don's offer!

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