After the shocking reports that Seattle Sounders FC would return money to their season ticketholders for their pathetic display in the 4:0 loss at home to the Los Angeles Galaxy of Carson, California, DC United Supremo and Generally Boss of All Things Kevin Payne claimed that Seattle was weak for admitting their defects. According to speculation, Mr. Payne stated:
“These guys are crass amateurs. Apologizing to fans about poor play? What is this a rec league? Did you hear us come out and tell our fans ‘sorry’ after we got shellacked 4:0 in Kansas? Or 2:0 at home against the Red Bull New York Red Bulls of Harrison, New Jersey? No. And why? Because we win trophies!”
Rumors from RFK suggest that DC United might actually raise ticket prices on matches the team wins. They are expecting to charge an additional $5 “winner’s surcharge” to all fans in order to exit the stadium. They hope to use this money to buy a single SuperTall Half-Latte Half-Espresso Gigante.