22 April 2010

Investigation: Chivas USA Plans Deception

Chivas USA’s start to the season has been less than exemplary. According to Internet stories, the team is looking to rebound and get onto a winning track. However, in conversations with sources that have been in the LA area, Chivas USA has something nefarious planned to improve their league position. Chivas USA plans on replacing their players with those from Chivas Guadalajara in upcoming matches!

Already, several of the players have been working on looking more like their doppelgangers from Mexico, including Sacha Kljestan, who has reportedly started an intensive tanning program. Additionally, the team has tapped special effects and make up experts from nearby Hollywood to complete the effect.

According to one source, the team will “go the extra mile. We’ve all seen how in Hollywood films guys can look like exact duplicates with some clever use of rubber face masks and facial reconstruction. We have also not ruled out a full facial transplantation a la Face Off.”

What is not known is if those players taking part in this sinister infiltration would be eligible for the World Cup squads of either the US or Mexico. For example if Doppelganger Kljestan suddenly gets hot and scores a couple goals and sets up a bunch of goals, would Bob Bradley be able to tap him for the US. Also, no word is available as to if the entire Chivas USA team will spend their time hiding out in Guam or Fiji or just disappear into the Los Angeles Underground to fight for justice when no one else can help and they can be found.

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