21 April 2010

Red Bulls New York Red Bulls of Harrison, New Jersey Suspected of Demon Worship

If you have ever been to the Red Bulls Park in Red Bulls Harrison, Red Bulls New Jersey, then you may have been affected. Fortunately aside from the opening day crowd that was kidnapped and bussed to the stadium, most people in northern New Jersey and all of New York remain safe. According to a rumored satellite photo, it is clear that a giant pentagram and thaumaturgic triangle are carved into the field at the newly opened grounds. This can only mean that Red Bulls New York Red Bulls of Harrison, New Jersey have engaged in demon worship and summoning. Our sources believe this explains their unexpected form and success in this new MLS season.

Artists rendition of the rumored demon raising in North Jersey - note that the RBNYRDoHNJ even got a pony in the blood sealed bargain.

MLS Rumorsrumors has been trying to investigate the rumors of rumors of virgin sacrifices and other rites for some significant time. According to Internet data, the team regularly meets in order to pay homage to their blood thirsty lords of the underworld. In exchange for providing human sacrifices and other gifts (apparently demons really like $30 gift cards to certain coffee chains that like to speak in tongues), the demons have promised to help the Red Bulls New York Red Bulls of Harrison, New Jersey in their quest for winning something meaningful or at least making the playoffs.

Know that if we fall off the face of the earth, it is because of the massive conspiracy of demon worshiping evil-doers from northern New Jersey and not because we have nothing to write for our site. They are totally at fault.

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