11 August 2009

Seattle Leads The Way!


Look out, MLS old guard, there's a sassy new sheriff in town, and he goes by the name of Seattle Sounders. Yes, that's right, the league's newest addition is taking the nation (and our Canadian cousins) by storm, and all around the league, supporters of old, decrepit, moribund teams are giving thanks to their saviors.

Scott MacLeFleur, a member of Toronto FC's North End Elite, was effusive: "Gosh, I mean, when we came into the league, we thought we were God's gift, that we were going to single-handedly save those hosers from themselves, eh? Turns out, though, we were just a bunch of f*ckin' amateurs compared to Seattle. I mean, a marching band? Wow. And I hear their fake turf is even better than ours...and that really hits home for us. I just thank God they deigned it upon themselves to join MLS and save us, when they could've just stayed in USL-1 forever, with the massive crowds they were drawing."

Whitey McWhite, a member of shadowy Columbus supporters group the Kolumbus Krew Kidz, told MLS Rumors Rumors: "I'm just glad we won the double last year, because I get the feeling we're never going to win anything ever again. God bless those Sounders, every one!"

Thaddeus Jarvis, the Colorado Rapids supporter, told us: "Oh man, thank God for the Sounders! Now maybe the Rapids FO will stop ordering security to kick me out of every home game!"

And finally, Piotr Kowalski of Chicago's Section 8, gushed, "Wow, I mean, Seattle is such a great sports town, they really should look into getting an NBA franchise, too. Just think what they could do for basketball if they could land a charismatic young scorer like, say, Kevin Durant! My god, they'd be sold out forever!"

9 comments:

Mat said...

Weak. At least be funny! You just sound jealous... and while that's likely true, at least bring something funnier that this steaming pile o' poo. BTW, mls-rumors.net is a real site...

EdTheRed said...

The fact that you think mls-rumors.net is a real site goes a long way towards explaining why you don't think this is funny.

A.C.K. said...

Must be a DC fan.

Agent 009 said...

Mat, old top, your claim that mls-rumors.net is, in fact, a real site does nothing to explain your limited sensory capacity for humor. Although, as EdTheRed hypothesizes, maybe it does. We at MLSRumors² are jealous of no club, except maybe Odense Boldklub of Denmark who have their own toaster.

Revelation said...

Yes, I am very jealous of the OB toaster. How can we get one? Man, I'm going to support Odense because they have toasters. What other club has one?

dadman said...

Well, revelation, the Knights of Columbus have a toaster, but they're more of a fraternal organization than a club.

Still, they're massive. And the attendance? Through the roof! Sure, they started out slow, and their most popular days may be behind them, but they still out-draw all the competition.

At least around here...

Matthew said...

I just have to say that ANY group of organized supporters that go by the name of "Kolumbus krew kids" have no right to be making fun of any other organized group. That is the most ridiculous name for an organized soccer supporters group, PERIOD.

Stop being so butt hurt by the Sounders and our attendance numbers. We are not the best team in the league, we do not say we are and we know we are not. We are the best run team in the league as it currently stands and their is not a single stat or figure you can throw out to disprove it.

The bigger and better thing to acknowledge is the growth of soccer in the united states. This year proved that their is an interest and that if we field good teams people will in fact come to watch talent. Real Madrid, Chelsea, Barcelona, Inter, all of these international powerhouses were packing stadiums throughout all of the US and it was a beautiful sight to see. But, people would rather bitch and hold up their archaic old trophies from a day and age were the level and quality of play was no where near what we have today in the league and pretend that they are the greatest thing to ever happen. Let us enjoy our amazing year and stick to your teams performance. This whole time bitching about our attendance and our merch sales instead of bashing us for our 4-0 loss to SAN JOSE of all teams.

More people come to see the sounders than any other team in the league= FACT

More people buy sounders gear than any other team in the league= FACT

Do these two Facts mean we are a better soccer team? HELL NO. Not at all. But they are facts and when we throw them in your face, you take it as it is and shut up. If your team is beating other teams and on top of the standings, you support them. If your team is on the bottom of the standings, you support them. Thats a true fan and thats what we will do. So, go put an ad in the paper begging people to come watch your team in a rusty old stadium and call yourselves the greatest thing to happen to MLS when there is no one there in the stands to cheer you on as you hoist your oh so precious "silverware". What good is your hardware with empty stands. Who did you win it for? Supporters Shield shouldn't be given to the team with the best record if they can't pull in any support... I spit on your garbage blog that is MLS Rumors.....

Anonymous said...

It was funny how that Sounders guy wrote 2 paragraphs about a parody post. GO listen to your marching band! ahahahahahaha
Love the Kolumbus Krew Kidz, too funny!

EdTheRed said...

Okay, I'm now convinced that Matthew is a Timbers fan. It's really the only explanation.