"His ego is banged up pretty good," said INOVA spokesman James Ledbetter. "He was talking smack to his Mexican co-workers at the World Bank all week. Going on about 'It's the U.S.' time, Mexico is over as a regional power, 5-0 was a fluke.' Just knowing he has to face them when he's healthy enough to get back to the office has caused some deep bruising."
More troubling, however, is Whitman's shattered self esteem. According to Ledbetter, "Grayson really lives vicariously through the USMNT. He's been having a rough go of things lately - his girlfriend left him for a Brazilian guy who works for McKinsey, his dog ran away, that sort of thing - and the success of the US national team was really keeping him going. After that early goal, his self esteem took a quick jump up, and the subsequent crash just put too much strain on the system; when that second Mexican goal went in, it just shattered. It's sad, really."
Grayson Whitman, Recovering At INOVA Fairfax Hospital. Image by Flickr user Docman.
Doctors have prescribed an intensive regimen of beer and hard alcohol, "but no wine," said Ledbetter, the INOVA spokesman. "He's also been prescribed some anti-depressants, and some painkillers. The guy's in bad shape right now, but we're hopeful that he'll be back to his chest-thumping, Mexican taunting best by next summer's World Cup. Of course, if the U.S. doesn't qualify, he could be facing a life-or-death situation."
When reached for comment in his hospital room, Whitman stated: "DC United had better win the [expletive] Open Cup...I've been talking [expletive] about it to my cousins out in Seattle for weeks."