11 August 2009

BREAKING: Sounders To Hoist "Attendance Champions" Banner

SEATTLE, 11 August, 2009: MLS Rumors Rumors has learned that Seattle plans to open their 2010 home schedule with a pre-match banner-raising ceremony, honoring the team's first title: 2009 MLS Attendance Champions.

According to our source, a local bike messenger who occasionally smokes up with Seattle FO personnel:
They got the idea from the [WNBA's Washington] Mystics. I mean, everyone from Drew on down to the fans in the stands is really pumped up about how we've pwnd the league at the turnstiles. It really is the truest measure of a team's success. Like, look at the Cubs! No one gives a shit that they haven't won a world series in over a hundred years, they still pwn bitches like the Marlins and D-Backs, because they sell more tickets.
While the Attendance Champions banner is "a done deal," still up for grabs is the coveted "Merchandise Championship." The Sounders currently hold an edge over TFC and the LA Galaxy, and if they maintain it through the end of the season, our source tells us that:
They're gonna go all out for that one, man...we're talking the biggest banner you've ever seen...I mean, I hate to keep coming back to it, but look at the Cubs, or the Indians. Who cares about rings, man? These guys sell so much more merch than the Phillies or the Marlins, it PROVES that they're better. It's all about the Benjamins, baby. Dollar bill, y'all.


CAM said...

Will it be hung upside-down?

Rob said...

They are going to replace one of their tarps covering the upper deck with their attendance and merch banners!

R said...

yeah this is legit. but i did hear that security will make them take the banner down once they put it up

Matthew said...

Unless you guys are from seattle you really have no right to talk about the tarps. It has been confirmed and stated publicly that the commissioner has a cap on seats for the MLS. It sounds dumb but those were his words. We are an expansion team playing in a stadium that was designed for both football and futbol. Those are the facts. Paul Allen is a HUGE soccer fan and has attended every world cup since the 90's. If we were such a cocky franchise we would easily just remove the tarps and let the people flood in. Anyone who is a fan of North American soccer should respect what the sounders have done by not asking to allow us more seats for our games. Does anybody remember the NASL days. Right now, at the completion of Don Garbers "summer of soccer" it is more apparent that now more than ever soccer in the US is growing and spreading like wildfire. This is NOT BECAUSE OF THE SOUNDERS but by the continued support of numerous teams throughout the league.

At the end of the day we dont say we are better because we fill more seats, we dont say we are a better team because we sell more gear. We are a better run organization in its first year and not a single GM, Owner or even the commissioner can deny that. Numbers and facts prove it to be true. We hold the fact that as it stands we have a higher attendance than the rest of the league with great pride. You would to. Look at TFC. That was their statements. TFC used to have it all and now their is a new team. Just wait for PortScum to join the league. If you think we are bad you have another thing coming. But you guys dont know the PNW history so you wouldn't understand. Get a grip and stop bitching and moaning about the sounders. Enjoy what soccer has become and GO MEXICO!

EdTheRed said...

Lighten up, Francis.

R said...

Matthew - you lost me at "unless you guys...."

and FYI, mexico sucks.

sarcastic blog posts > you

Agent 009 said...

someone named "Anonymous" bravely ran away after poorly attempting to post a link to this "humorous" post from the Seattle Sounders Examiner.

I say, I thought you weren't allowed inside Seattle city limits without at least a basic understanding of html code.

Matthew said...

2-1. apparently Mexico doesn't suck.