Leiweke: "We have to keep up with the RSLs of the league"

AEG President and CEO Tim Leiweke today issued statements regarding the recent dismissal, Trump-style, of GM Alexi Lalas and the more Rumsfeldian departure of head coach ("manager" in Euro-speak) Ruud Gullit. Regarding Gullit, Leiweke stated:

No more messing around
Gotta think of my future
Time you we threw you right out
Gotta throw the blame around

Ruudy, a message to you
Ruudy, a message to you

No more fooling around
Time to play sexy football
Better sign a defender
Else I'll wind up fired too

Ruudy, a message to you
Ruudy, a message to you

No more messing around
Gotta think of my future
Time we threw you right out
Enough blame to go around

Ruudy, a message to you
Ruudy, a message to you
Ruudy, a message to you
Ruudy, a message to you

Regarding the firing of Lalas, Leiweke was less lyrical, but no less direct:

With [Ruud] moving on, we believe that this is the right time to make more sweeping changes throughout the organization. Our commitment continues to be focused on not only finishing higher in the standings than Chivas and San Jose this and every season but to build a club capable of competing at the level of the league's elite teams, like Real Salt Lake - we have to keep up with the RSLs of the league. This decision [to relieve Alexi of his duties] is the right one for the organization, the right one for the players and the right one for our fans.

An MLS Rumors² reader spotted Lalas attempting to sell his collection of designer suits at a Los Angeles consignment shop, and overheard the Daywalker saying "I played in Serie A, you know. For reals, I did. Did you know I played guitar on an ESPN commercial once? It's all on my resume, so I'm sure I'll land another front office gig soon. Right? Right? Right?" Said our source, "I didn't have the heart to tell him that he was talking into a half-eaten Snickers bar, not a cell phone."

LALAS: Galaxy "Not Sexy Enough," Move for Tyson Beckford Imminent

Beckford: LA Bound?

Rating: 5 ("teh sexiest")

Following a humiliating 3-2 loss to expansion San Jose, LA Galaxy boss Alexi Lalas fumed that the Galaxy were not playing "sexy enough," and hinted at a move for supermodel Tyson Beckford: "It's just not sexy enough. We've GOT to bring sexy back. We've got a lot of possible moves to make. Right now, it looks like Justin [Timberlake] isn't available, but we've gotten a lot of interest from Tyson [Beckford]. It's just a matter of time before we're playing the sexiest football in the entire world."

MLS Rumors Rumors consulted noted expert on all things sexy, supermodel Derek Zoolander, who commented that, "Moisture is the essence of wetness, and wetness is the essence of beauty. That's why DC United plays the sexiest football in the league right now. LA needs to play more games during monsoons." When pressed for more, Zoolander continued: "Have you ever wondered if there was more to life, other than being really, really, ridiculously good looking?" When this blogger replied that, no, he hadn't, Zoolander snapped:

Do you understand that the world does not revolve around you and your do whatever it takes, ruin as many people's lives, so long as you can make a name for yourself as an investigatory journalist, no matter how many friends you lose or people you leave dead and bloodied along the way, just so long so you can make a name for yourself as an investigatory journalist, no matter how many friends you lose or people you leave dead and bloodied and dying along the way?