Spanish RFEF: Houston, You Don't Have a Problem

MADRID, 13 October 2008: The Spanish Football Federation (RFEF) today responded to racist comments made by a Houston Dynamo supporter towards DC United goalkeeper Louis Crayton at Robertson Stadium in Houston, Texas following the completion of yesterday's MLS match between United and the Dynamo. RFEF spokesman Jorge Carretero told reporters:

The Dynamo were quick to ban the supporter because of his racist statements. But the fans that go to Robertson are as fantastic as they are in Spain. The RFEF is quite certain that this supporter is as pure at heart as the fans who go to the Bernabeu. Therefore, the RFEF would like to invite this supporter to join us in Spain for our upcoming friendly against England, which will be played wherever the Spanish Federation thinks is best. We will even provide him a complimentary ticket in the section of Columbus Crew supporters who have already committed to attending.

Well then. Thanks for clearing that up for us Jorge, on what I know must have been a busy day for you.

Landon Donovan Stoked

According to SuperAgentDan Motzkin, Landon Donovan has drawn significant interest from the leading clubs of Engerland.

"The older I get and the more I play, the more I'm yearning for that highest level I can play at" cooed the official dreamboat of the top flight of American soccer. Dangling participles aside, the American #10 surely must be valued by some teams in England. The former Redlands High School Terrier followed up with this shot across the bow of any Ugly Bettys of the Football League: "I think the Premiership would be the best place the play."

Former agent of Freddy Adu and Jozy Altidore, Motzkin reassured any hyperventilating supporters of the US national team by snarling that any potential swoopers would be, "ones that play entertaining, attacking and technical soccer."

Look out Barclay's Premier League! Landycakes is coming to Stoke and you're all going broke!

Contrary to erroneous reports from edthered, my sources are rock solid. I spoke to Landon's Brazilian Wax Technician just the other day.