08 September 2008

Federal Government to take over FC Dallas: "Not a bailout" says official

From MLS Rumors² contributor BigKris comes this late-breaking report:

WASHINGTON, DC, 8 September, 2008:
Calling one of MLS's flagship franchises "Dangerously short of talent" the Office of Federal Sports Enterprise Oversight (OFSEO) Announced Sunday that it is putting FC Dallas under federal receivership, essentially a government takeover of the team.

In a conference call late Sunday afternoon, timed to precede the opening of Asian betting markets, Michael Brown, head of OFSEO, defended the action as a necessary step, "to reassure those who are emotionally invested in this team, as well as to prevent the contagion of suckitude from spreading further and threatening other, more stable teams". FC Dallas' Head coach, allegedly named "Schellas Hyndman," will be fired as a part of the federal takeover. Brown was also quick to deflect potential criticism that this amounted to a government bailout of the failing franchise: "This is in no way is this a bailout. Those who are complicit in creating this mess will be held accountable. Davino, I'm looking at you."

Concerns about whether Dallas had sufficient talent to see the season through had been rampant for months as the team traded or sold its most creative players in the summer transfer window. Confidence reached new lows on Thursday on reports that Dallas had lost a match at home to Colorado -- an allegation made even more incredible by the assertion, according to the report, that Mike "Wanker" Petke scored the game-winning goal. As this story goes to press, MLSRumors² has not yet been able to find anyone who actually saw this game in order to corroborate these reports.

This may not be the end of government intervention in the league; OFSEO officials confirmed that they have been in contact with their sister agency in Canada, the Sport Oversight Ministry, about a potential nationalization of Toronto FC. "They're still weighing their options," said an OFSEO source. "They may be able to muddle through until hockey season starts, at which point no one will care about TFC anymore."

1 comment:

dadman said...

My cousin's sister's boyfriend's mother saw a scrap of toilet paper with "crapids 1-0 fc* dallas" on the floor at the 31 flavors, so there must have been a game. Srsly.

Love this quote: "to prevent the contagion of suckitude from spreading further and threatening other, more stable teams."