10 September 2008

UPDATED - Breaking: Pfizer New York?

It is hard to believe that Red Bull would be pulling out so soon, but according to a source at my local, who requested anonymity due to his/her position within/or not a Government or non-Governmental regulatory agency, Pfizer may be making a move into football (soccer for you diehard Americanish speakers). Pfizer New York would debut next season to replace Red Bull New York Red Bulls of Harrison New Jersey, sporting pale blue home jerseys and white away jerseys. Pfizer is currently in discussions with MLS brass about the sponsor name. According to sources, Pfizer is hopeful to promote their top brand of Viagra on the front of the home jersey instead of the corporate logo and other top brand of Lipitor on their away jerseys. MLS is worried about their premier sponsorships of unregulated supplement suppliers (i.e. Herbalife and Xango) being threatened by a real pharmaceutical company.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Like basically everything else on this site, this item is a parody. It's completely made up. Seriously. Also, I forgot to mention to my fellow contributors that my employer occasionally does work for the very very fine folks at Pfizer. So, yeah, this item is all in good fun. Love you guys. Love your products. I use Listerine™ every day, twice a day. Nothing beats a Luden™. I don't need Viagra™ yet, but it's good to know that it'll be there for me when the time comes. Also, you guys really shouldn't waste any money sponsoring anything to do with the New Jersey soccer franchise. Save your money for the Philly team. Or maybe Queens...but not Jersey. Leave Jersey to BMS - they deserve each other.]

UPDATE: According to source from the building trade working in my neighborhood, the deal is off. Garber is reported to have been worried that the Red Bull New York Red Bulls of Harrison New Jersey would be forced to carry a warning label indicating that anyone watching four hours of Red Bull New York Red Bulls of Harrison New Jersey should seek immediate medical attention.

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