06 September 2008

BREAKING: Eddie Johnson vanishes from team hotel, presumed to have defected

HAVANA, 6 September 2008: MLS Rumors² has learned from an inside source who spoke to a bartender at the U.S. national team's hotel this morning that U.S. forward Eddie "Grown-Ass Man" Johnson has vanished from the team hotel, and is presumed to have defected. According to our source:
Eddie is pretty desperate for first-team playing time, and things weren't looking good for him at Cardiff City. At this point, his only other option was "pulling a Wolff" and returning to Kansas City with his tail between his legs...and he figured the Grown- Ass thing to do was to defect to Cuba instead. He's pretty sure he can get some minutes for FC Pinar del Río.
Johnson: Grown-Ass Defector?
Our source also informed us that Bob Bradley is still planning on listing Johnson in tonight's starting lineup, because, "frankly, most people probably won't notice the difference."

3 comments:

The Yankee Hooligan said...

LMGAO (Laughed My Grown Ass Off)

Riz said...

I wouldn't have figured Eddie for a cigar and free health care kind of guy.

EdTheRed said...

@Riz: Yeah, Josh Wolff is really the one who could use the free health care, huh? ;-)