06 September 2008

BREAKING: Eddie Johnson vanishes from team hotel, presumed to have defected

HAVANA, 6 September 2008: MLS Rumors² has learned from an inside source who spoke to a bartender at the U.S. national team's hotel this morning that U.S. forward Eddie "Grown-Ass Man" Johnson has vanished from the team hotel, and is presumed to have defected. According to our source:
Eddie is pretty desperate for first-team playing time, and things weren't looking good for him at Cardiff City. At this point, his only other option was "pulling a Wolff" and returning to Kansas City with his tail between his legs...and he figured the Grown- Ass thing to do was to defect to Cuba instead. He's pretty sure he can get some minutes for FC Pinar del Río.
Johnson: Grown-Ass Defector?
Our source also informed us that Bob Bradley is still planning on listing Johnson in tonight's starting lineup, because, "frankly, most people probably won't notice the difference."


The Yankee Hooligan said...

LMGAO (Laughed My Grown Ass Off)

Riz said...

I wouldn't have figured Eddie for a cigar and free health care kind of guy.

EdTheRed said...

@Riz: Yeah, Josh Wolff is really the one who could use the free health care, huh? ;-)