04 September 2008

Season through September - Part 1

Garber and company are looking to expand several midseason tournaments designed to build interest in MLS. One is the expanded Super Liga – our sources believe that not only will the competition include an additional four MLS teams but will also solicit teams from Europe, MLS has so far approached Chelsea, Manchester United, Liverpool, Barcelona, AC Milan, Real Madrid. The understanding is to get these teams to turn their friendlies into matches for the Super Liga.

Phil Anschutz nixed Ruud Gullit and his regime of “sexy football”. Apparently the ultra-conservative billionaire misunderstood Gullit’s accent and thought he was talking about “winning football”.

AEG also allowed Alexi Lalas to “pursue other ventures”. The red haired one apparently left the building under security escort screaming “you’ll regret this! My sad song and waltzes are going to totally rip you apart! The people will know all.” To date, Mr. Lalas has been unsuccessful in getting record producers to believe that sad songs and waltzes will be popular this year.

Kenny Cooper met with Steve Ralston at a bar in DC to discuss the best way to avoid a national team call up. Although rumors persist that Bruce Arena was actually in attendance, we understand that he just mailed in his advice.

FC Toronto is pretty upset about the MLS’ rules on streamers after some Kolumbus Krew fan said a nasty word to a player. So, they have secured the services of the most petulant and aggressive players available. Rumors abound that they are seeking to trade for Cuahtemoc Blanco, Seth Stammler, Jay Heaps, Joey Franchino, and Pablo Mastroeni. Sources stated that they must be thinking, “Ok, so we’ve got Amado Guevara and Carlos Ruiz, how can we make all the other teams fans apoplectic without actually winning a game?”

And speaking of Blanco, MLS Rumors Rumors has discovered that Cuahtemoc has multiple crowd shots in his house of Fire fans. He uses these as targets for darts, in his toilet, and on his cutting boards. He is also thinking of installing a mock up of Section 8 for the back yard so he can use it for target practice for his 12 gauge shotgun. When asked about his apparent dislike, Blanco responded “The fans suck and I’m just showing my support for the poor maligned security professionals that do nothing but bend over backwards for these rowdies. And what thanks do they get? They get argued with, hurt carrying fans from the section, and bruised knuckles from fans’ jaws.”

1 comment:

Bibliotheker said...

If Blanco goes to Toronto doesn't that mean he takes his person, oops, professional monterey security goons, oops again, staff with him? Thus bringing true MLS attitude, oops this is so embarassing, fan stewarding to Canada?