QUIMBY, Maine: Local authorities announced this morning that, on the evening of October 30, 2008, a tree fell in the forest approximately 2.2 miles to the north and east of this remote hamlet. Local alderman Jaques Courvoisier told MLS Rumors²: "It was a big sucker. Yawp, made quite a racket comin' down. I reckon at least 5,500 people musta heard it - it's prime huntin' season, and I bet the sound carried clear over to Presque Isle."
Phineas Parkhurst "Diamond Phin" Quimby, whose lifeless corpse helped boost the falling tree's attendance.
Last night's Revolution-Fire playoff match was "attended" by "5,221" "people" at Gillette Stadium in Foxboro, Massachusetts, meaning that the Revolution were out-drawn by a tree falling in a remote forest in northern Maine.