Breaking: DC United's New Coach!

According to sources at a well frequented DC United bar in the U Street area, Kevin Payne, President & CEO of DC United, is close to announcing a new head coach for DC United. After missing the playoffs two seasons in a row, with an aging roster and no clear ideas on how to move forward, the DC United Supremo has decided to make a radical shift in philosophy.

"Look, they've been on us about every decision we've made since the inception of the SE list serve. It is time to give one of them a try!"

According to our sources, Kevin Payne is considering offering the position of head coach to the "Internet Nuts". He has a short list of people that post regularly on Bigsoccer.com, Goffblog, and other sites (apparently, MLS Rumors Rumors was not on the shortlist of sites). We have heard rumors that the lead candidate is a poster called Vasco, who writes in from RIO (whether that is Rio de Janiero in Brazil or an acronym for Remote in Ohio is unknown). Mr. Payne apparently liked the posters acceptance of a one year contract contingent on playoff appearences without even knowing the salary.

We are expecting an announcement sometime in the next week. The Bigsoccer.com meltdown of 2009 will follow immediately.