Breaking: RFK

Via the mighty Bog Man Of Washington:

RFK Is Falling Down, Falling Down, Falling Down
RFK Is Falling Down, Where Is Fenty?

It's enough to make us wax poetical:



I met a traveller from an antique land
Who said: One vast and crumbling concrete bowl
Stands on a river. Near it on the asphalt,
Half sunk, a shatter'd visage lies, whose frown
And wrinkled lip and sneer of cold command
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamp'd on these lifeless things,
The hand that mock'd them and the heart that fed.
And on the pedestal these words appear:
"My name is RFK, Stadium of Stadia:
Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!"
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare,
The muddy Anacostia wends away.

RESULT :: Lalas & Stone go on pre-match bender

Shocking scenes from the post match wrap were on offer after the United States managed not to fall on their face vs Trinidad & Tobago. Clearly shaking off the effects of the Chocolate Choo-Choo that finished off their 4 martini lunch, Stone & Lalas managed to offer some insight into the big three points captured on the road by the US.

Hair of the dog, ol' boys, hair of the dog.

Rapidman on the 'Roids?

For years, we have not cared about the Colorado Rapids' mascots. They have had more mascots over the years than fans. So, when rumors came to us of bad things going on amongst the mascots, we chose not to go public. When the rumors became persistent phone calls at 4 am, we finally decided to look into the issues. According to the rumors, Rapidman (as seen in the photo on the left) is a chronic user of steroids. Shocking, I know but look at that musculature and tell me that is natural. It wasn't until we found this picture of Rapidman at age 11, that we took the rumors seriously.



And then there is this youtube video floating around out there of Rapidman's antics and craziness. We think you like us will come to the same conclusion - Rapidman has obviously been using the 'roids and has been "retired" as a result. Sad to see mascots brought so low.

Ok, Jose, we finally published it. STOP CALLING!

Breaking: Namoff speaks about Europe

Bryan Namoff is the solid right back that DC United has needed to rely on this season. When rumors surfaced about European teams having an interest in him, MLS Rumors²' crack squad of reporters hit the rumor-mongering locales of DC to find out the truth. According to sources at a bar frequented by team-members in the U Street area, Namoff would love to play in Europe (afterall, who wouldn't want to make more money for doing the same job and actually having to live in seclusion of a mansion because your adoring fans chase you around town asking for pictures and autographs). However, the confusion about his move to Europe was started over a misplaced comment. According to our source:

The Namoff was talking with us about going to Europe in the off-season. He's had a banner year and thought that his wife might enjoy a trip to Paris, Rome, and the Greek Isles. He made the mistake of telling in the presence of a blogger, that he had some interest in the Greece and suddenly there is a story on the Internet.

So, faithful DC United fans, you can likely expect The Namoff to be back next season, unless totally unrelated to this rumor some European team offers him suitcases full of money to relocate.

United Matchday: Seven Drunken Cup Matches

In honor of tonight's marquee tilt between DC United and Toluca de Mexico, we reprint the timeless Irish-American drinking song, Seven Drunken Cup Matches:

As I got to RFK on a Monday night,
Drunk as drunk could be,
I spied Janicki playing at the back
Where Jakovic should be.

So I calls Tom Soehn and I says to him,
"Will you kindly tell to me,
Why Janicki's playing at the back
Where Jakovic should be?"

"Oh, you're drunk, you're drunk,
You internet nut!
No, you cannot see,
That's a hairy-chested Bulgarian
That KP signed for me!"

Well, for many a match I've traveled
A hundred miles or more
But mutton chops on a Bulgarian
I've never seen before!

As I got to RFK on a Tuesday night,
Drunk as drunk could be
I spied N'Silu slotted in up top
Where Pontius should be.

So I calls Tom Soehn and I says to him,
"Will you kindly tell to me,
Why N'Silu's slotted in up top
Where Pontius should be?"

"Oh, you're drunk, you're drunk
You internet nut,
No you cannot see!
That's a new Brazilian striker
That KP bought for me!"

Well for many a match I've traveled
A hundred miles or more
But a Brazilian from Kinshasa
Sure I've never seen before!

Even the RFK Stadium cats have to drink to cope with Cup nights.

As I got to RFK on a Wednesday night
Drunk as drunk can be,
I spied Kocic in between the pipes
Where auld Josh Wicks should be

So I calls Tom Soehn and I says to him,
"Will you kindly tell to me,
Why Kocic is standing 'tween the pipes
Where auld Josh Wicks should be?"

"Oh you're drunk, you're drunk,
You internet nut,
No, you cannot see!
That's the brother of Troy Perkins
That KP signed for me!"

Well for many a match I've traveled
A hundred miles or more
But a brother of Troy Perkins
Sure I've never seen before!

As I got to RFK on a Thursday night
Drunk as drunk could be
I spied DiRaimondo playing on the wing
Where Tino Quaranta should be.

So I calls Tom Soehn and I says to him,
"Will you kindly tell to me
Why DiRaimondo's playing on the wing
Where Tino Quaranta should be?"

"Oh you're drunk, you're drunk,
You internet nut,
No, you cannot see!
That's an Argentinian winger
That KP signed for me!"

Well for many a match I've traveled
A hundred miles or more,
But an Argentinian from St. Louis
Sure I've never seen before!

As I got to RFK on a Friday night
Drunk as drunk can be,
I spied Szetela in the midfield
Where Gomito should be.

So I calls Tom Soehn and I says to him,
"Will you kindly tell to me,
Why Szetela is in the midfield
Where Gomito should be?"

"Oh you're drunk, you're drunk,
You internet nut,
No, you cannot see!
That's a fit young Tico
That KP signed for me!"

Well for many a match I've traveled
A hundred miles or more,
But a fit young Tico gasping for breath
Sure I've never seen before!

As I got to RFK on a Saturday night
Drunk as drunk could be,
I spied Shipalane playing libero
Where Jaime Moreno should be

So I calls Tom Soehn and I says to him
"Will you kindly tell to me,
Why there's a guy named Tiyi
Where Jaime Moreno should be?"

"Oh you're drunk, you're drunk,
You internet nut,
No, you cannot see!
That's Juan Sebastian Veron
That KP signed for me!"

Well for many a match I've traveled
A hundred miles or more,
But la Brujita in a United kit
Sure I've never seen before!

As I got to RFK on a Sunday night
As drunk as drunk could be
I spied Bud Lite at the beer stand
Where Harp and Guinness should be.

So I calls Tom Soehn and I says to him,
"Will you kindly tell to me,
Why there's Bud Lite at the beer stand
Where Harp and Guinness should be?"

"Oh you're drunk, you're drunk,
You internet nut,
No, you cannot see!
That's some lovely Murphy's
That KP bought for me!"

Well for many a match I've traveled
A hundred miles or more
But Murphy's the colour of donkey piss
Sure I've never seen before!