BREAKING: Chelsea Launch Cyber-Strike on BigSoccer

MLS Rumors² has learned that Chelsea are behind today's catastrophic failure of the BigSoccer message boards. Said BigAdministrator "Huss": "Abramovich thought we were too critical...he sent us a warning email, we ignored it, and *bam!* - next thing we know, it's Database Error time. It's like the Great Crash all over again. There's nothing we can do, really. If only Hicks and Gillett would help us like they promised they would!"

ALERT :: Big Soccer Down, nerds go into catatonic shock [UPDATED]

In a "shocking" development. The popular website "BigSoccer" has gone down. Desperately nerdy soccer fans across the globe have begun suffering from uncontrollable shaking and have taken solace in pulling their sweaters over their knees while rocking rhythmically back and forth. Area Red Bull fans have been heard muttering "If BigSoccer erases the record of our win over the scum from DC, what ever shall I do?" as they masturbate furiously to MetroPlayoffFever posters of yesteryear.

Stay tuned for more reports of the horror.

UPDATE: as of 5:45 PM, EDT, BigSoccer is back up and running. Looks like Secretary Rice's mission to Stamford Bridge paid off. Thanks, Condi!