15 June 2010

Soccer Bar "Capo" Bounced By Bar Staff

NEW YORK, NY, 15 June, 2010: MLS Rumors Rumors has confirmed that notorious self-appointed "Yank Capo" Steven "Little Steven" Vandermere was unceremoniously ejected from a Manhattan soccer bar during the U.S.-England World Cup match this past Saturday. According to our source, the coke dealer for a bartender at the bar, which we will call Utah Jones's, though that is not, in fact, its actual name:
Little Steven was kinda being a dick during the early games, you know, talking shit to all the Greeks and Argentines, but whatever, you know? That's just Steven, he's a dick.

Then we got into the pre-game stuff for the U.S. game...Oh man, he took it up a notch. He was standing up on a bar stool, and it was all, "You'd be German!" and "Lend Lease was Limey welfare, Lend Lease was Limey welfare, oh-way oh-way, oh-way oh-way!" I mean, they let that slide, because it was kinda funny, in a douchetastic sorta way...but then the game started, and Gerrard scored right away, and that kinda took the crowd out of it. So Little Steven was up on his stool, and no one's following his chants, or joining in his songs, or whatever. I mean, the best he could get out of people was a really half-assed "U-S-A" chant. It was sad, really...but Little Steven just fucking FREAKED, man...he starts laying into people, you know? Like, shit like, "Fucking sing, you fucking pussies! What the fuck? Sing, bitches, fucking SING!"

Little Steven puts on his game face.

I mean, it was really making people uncomfortable, right? So he's just up on his stool, making an ass of himself, and finally this guy standing right next to him - and seriously, this dude was almost as tall as Little Steven, only without standing on a bar stool, you know? I mean, dude was *huge*, right? So this big dude just looks at Little Steven, and he says, real loud, "Dude, you know the team can't fucking tell if we're singing or not, right?" And everyone in the place just busts out laughing...and then Little Steven just fucking jumped on the dude. Like, just fucking jumped on him and tried to start whaling on him...so the big dude just like walks towards the door, with Little Steven hanging on him, and the crowd just fucking parts, like the Red fucking Sea, right? People are like, "Yo, what?" And the bid dude just gets to the front door, plucks Little Steven off like he was a fucking Chihuahua, chucks him out onto the sidewalk, turns, and walks back into the bar.

Little Steven spent, like, the next 20 minutes trying to get back in, but the dude working the door was all, "Sorry, bro, but we're over capacity, Fire Marshall won't let anyone else in." Finally he just gave up and left. I'd say it was kinda sad, but for real? I haven't stopped laughing about it, man. Just watching that little dude, all dressed up like Uncle Sam's Mini-Me, getting thrown out onto the street like a rag doll after calling everyone in that whole bar pussies for not singing at a fucking television.

1 comment:

dadman (or am I?) said...

If this had really happened, I'd have so wanted to really be there to really see it.

If I really existed, that is.