22 March 2010

Glenn Beck Calls MLS CBA "Worse Than 9/11"

Speaking on his syndicated radio program earlier today, paid gold industry spokesman Glenn Beck lashed out at the recently finalized MLS collective bargaining agreement, calling it, "Worse than 9/11." A partial transcript:

Well, folks, it seems like the insanity and corruption and socialist Nazi communism that have infected Congress and the White House have spread further into Washington, DC. Just this past Saturday, under cover of darkness, the "community organizers" who run the MLS Players' Association rammed a deal down the throats of the league's owners. Despite the fact that 73% of Americans say MLS should start all over on the CBA, these so-called "progressives" have decided to repeatedly thrust their backroom deal down America's throats, and in doing so, well, they've opened the door to the socialist utopia of free agency...and I hate to tell you, it's only going to get worse from here.
The MLS CBA Got Glenn Beck A Little Choked Up
"But Glenn," you say, "there's no free agency under the new CBA; how can that be socialism?" Well, I'll tell you how: the new deal establishes a "re-entry draft"...and what is a "draft?" A draft is something that governments use to force people into military service against their will! And once this "draft" becomes just another part of the landscape for people to ignore, the community organizers will raise a hue and cry for more "social justice," and start agitating for "free agency." This whole thing is a bigger disaster than 9/11, only this time, the Obama administration, through the shady machinations of a federal "mediator" in a smoke-filled room, has not only abetted the disaster, but according to at the Commissioner himself, listen to this, the deal "would not have gotten done without the mediator." I'll tell you, if that doesn't send a chill down your spine, you'd better check your pulse, because Obamacare may already have killed you.

"But Glenn," you say, "isn't free agency just a part of professional sports in the 21st Century?" And you know something? You're right. It is just a part of sports these days...but you know something else? I remember a time, back when I was just a boy, when players were obligated to a single team for as long as that team had a use for them...it was a simpler time, a time of innocence, before athletes became the greedy, money-grubbing, HgH-shooting whores of Babylon that they are today...it was a time when players knew where they stood in the eyes of their owners and their fans. A time when developmental players made less than minimum wage. A time when players popped greenies and dexies, and drank, and smoked, and slept around. A time when America was young...

...I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't want to cry...it's just that...that I love the MLS so much...and I fear for it...

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