05 June 2010

Investigation: Adidas' Secret for New World Cup Ball

As has been reported before every World Cup in recent memory, players, coaches, and goalkeepers are complaining about the new ball. While this is not news to anyone, we here at MLS Rumors­­² have done some digging about why the ball is so "lively".

Adidas has decided to put a hamster in every ball! That is right, a live hamster in every Jubalani ball!

According to an anonymous Adidas source:
"We got the word from FIFA to make the ball a bit more exciting. Our technicians worked for 10 years and we were still no further along than our 2006 Teamgeist ball. Then Hans von Deinkle was at home with his kids looking at his hamster roll around the floor. Inspiration struck and now we've got a ball that really changes the game."

According to the Adidas technicians, the hamster is perfectly cushioned inside a hermetically sealed SafeTZone™.
"This SafeTZone™ protects the hamster during the match to prevent them from feeling any of the impacts on the ball from feet, hands, knees, and heads. Additionally, the inside has been lined with HamsterFutter™ brand feed, so that the hamster has the energy necessary for a full 90 minute match. We don't want to see one of our balls go to sleep during the match. HamsterFutter™ has all the nutrients and stimulants that a hamster could want to make sure it has the stuff to go a full 90 minutes at such an important event."

After each match, the hamsters are removed from the ball and taken to the super secret FIFAHamsterZonePlayZone™ for rest and relaxation until the next match.

1 comment:

EdTheRed said...

The bartender at my local was bumping lines with some Adidas execs last week...apparently for the final they're gonna switch out the hamster for Lemmiwinks, the Gerbil King.