Rumor: Wayne Rooney Upset By Red Bull Snub

The summer seems to be getting worse for English forward Wayne Rooney. After his disappointing showing at the FIFA World Cup 2010 in South Africa (Sponsored by Diamond Jack Travels, who reminds you that without the money from tours booked from the US, he cannot call the referees before matches to wish them fair play!), Wayne Rooney has suffered another fall from grace - he has yet to be mentioned in the transfer swirl surrounding Red Bull New York Red Bulls of Harrison, New Jersey.

"Every player worth his salt has been linked with a move to north Jersey, so I guess that means Rooney is a has-been."

Fans of the untriumphant club in northern New Jersey are quick to point out that although they would not turn down an offer of Wayne Rooney, he really would be second or third choice. Afterall, they are a super club and need someone that will not take the spotlight from Seth Stammler.

Confusion: MLS in Conflict over Records

We have it on good authority from a bankrupt all-you-care-to-eat restaurant owner in Seattle that Seattle Sounders FC have informed the MLS of their intent to have the records prior to the 2009 season expunged. According to our source, the Sounders management feels that since the Sounders did not exist, it was impossible for MLS to exist.

“See, we invented MLS. How can there be records for MLS before our team because the league did not exist before our team? Reminds me of the questions of a how Chewbacca could be on the moon of Endor. If we did not exist, you must acquit.”

No word from the MLS Supremo, the Don, on this development or the counter proposal from DC United. According to signals from well placed sources at a well known smoke shop in Virginia, DC United would like to eliminate the records for the MLS seasons post 2004.

“Who even knows who played in the MLS Cup since 2004? It makes no sense to keep awarding the trophy if you cannot even remember the finalists. After all, everyone remembers fondly the late 1990s when DC United had that dynasty. We should just bank on that and forget about the league titles since 2004. We can just award everyone a participant certificate.”

Sources state that the Red Bull New York Red Bulls of Harrison, New Jersey are backing the DC United plan, although, they are seeking an amendment to eliminate all MLS Cup records in favor of participant medals.

Local Fan Attempts to Reconcile Hatred of Bob Bradley with Love of USMNT, Fails

Do Not Trust This Man

RESTON, VA: In an exclusive interview with MLS Rumors Rumors, Dave Thomasson, a Northern Virginia man widely known for his passionate love of both DC United and the United States national team, expressed his recent struggle to reconcile his love of the Nats with his burning hatred of the man he refers to only as "Cheatin' Bob":

MLS Rumors²: Thanks for sitting down with us, Dave. Why don't you start from the beginning: why exactly do you hate Bob Bradley so much? After all, didn't his coaching career start as an assistant at DC United?

Dave Thomasson: He did start at DC...and that only makes what he did even harder to stomach...it was back in July 2003, and Cheatin' Bob was coaching the Metroscum in a game against DC at RFK. It was balls hot, and MLS still had that Mickey Mouse overtime rule. They also had a Mickey Mouse "fourth sub" rule, that allowed a team to make a fourth substitution, but only for the 'keeper. You know, so if your keeper blows out his ACL after you burned your last sub, you aren't hung out to dry, right?

MLSR²: Right, I remember that.

DT: Yeah, well, like I said, it's balls hot, and both teams have used up their three standard subs...and the game is tied at the end of regulation. So in OT, that cheating bastard has Eddie fucking Gaven sub in for a field player, but he takes Tim Howard's keeper jersey and comes on in goal. Like, 30 seconds later the ball goes out of play, and as soon as play stops, Gaven and Howard trade jerseys and Howard goes back to goal. Total fucking bullshit. And *then*, because it's fucking hot as the balls on Satan's rottweiler, and everyone else is gassed, Gaven makes a fucking fifty-yard run and scores the winner. It was fucking cheating bullshit, and it was all Cheatin' Bob's doing.

MLSR²: Which brings us to the World Cup, right?

DT: Right. I mean, I love the Nats. The MNT are, like, my heroes, man. I've got a United tattoo on my left shoulder, but I've got the 1950 USMNT crest tattooed on my heart, man. No lie, check it out! [ed. He wasn't kidding.] So I was all set to take out a home equity loan and go to South Africa to follow the Yanks...but then I was watching a qualifier...the one against T&T in Nashville? And they showed a closeup of Cheatin' Bob's face, and it was like a dam broke, you know? Like I'd repressed all these memories for so long, and then the hate just bubbled up, like oil from a blown-out BP well...and I just stood up in the middle of the bar - I was watching at Kitty's in Arlington, right? I just stood up, and started screaming at the TV: "BRADLEY! You fucking cheat! You fucking worthless, no-good, cheating bastard! Fuck you, Bob! Fuck you and your little cheating bitch boy Gaven! You fucking cheats!"

MLSR²: Wow. So were people a little freaked out?

DT: That's the weird thing, man. People started cheering me on! Everyone in the bar was started chanting "CHEAT! CHEAT! CHEAT!" It was seriously cathartic, man.

MLSR²: So you bailed on South Africa?

DT: I just couldn't, man.

MLSR²: You hate Bradley that much?

DT: No, I mean, I literally couldn't. My house is completely underwater - there's no way I could get a home equity loan...

Confirmation: Thierry Henry to Stain Reputation

As we have been reporting all along, media reports of Thierry Henry's pending transfer to MLS have taken a big step forward. The Boston Globe is reporting that an MLS official confirmed the speculation that will send the French forward to the US after the World Cup. We here at MLS Rumors Rumors are proud to say that we helped break the story and bring it to you, first-ish.

According to the speculation, Thierry Henry believes that his handling techniques are uniquely suited for the debacle that is the Red Bull New York Red Bulls of Harrison, New Jersey and he is looking forward to pouting, diving, and generally making fun of the referees in MLS.

"I am particularly, eh, looking forward to meeting up with this, how you say, Abbey Okulaja. I, eh, believes that he would buy my nod, shuffle, handball even if I were to do it five centimeters from his face."

Breaking: Tabloid Touts Transfer for Thierry

That's right, The Sun, the hallmark of integrity and truth, is bringing us the news that Thierry Henry has his bags packed and his ticket bought for a trip to play for the Red Bull New York Red Bulls of Harrison, New Jersey. Of course, this does leave a some questions: how can a story about a rumored "pre-contract" hold the truth when they cannot even get the easily verifiable facts correct. Among the factual errors, Thierry Henry scored 226 goals for the Gunners instead of the reported 174 (which doesn't even match the 184 scored by everyone's hero Ian Wright). Basics people, basics... How soon is Thierry Henry to arrive? Will he bring others? How did this blind squirrel find this nut?

And here we thought that the Internationally renowned and respected and most positively the best football news site MLS Rumors Rumors had the monopoly on half-truths, lies, and general satire.

Unsurprising: Red Bull New York Red Bulls of Harrison, New Jersey Location Confuses Fans

Where is it? That is what Red Bull New York Red Bulls Fans of Harrison, New Jersey are saying about the new state of the art facility. Apparently, they are staying away in droves because they simply cannot find the stadium and are confused if they should be driving to New York or New Jersey.

One fan claimed, “I’ve been to the Newark area before. It was like run down warehouse, abandoned building, gas station, ratty old shop, and then I got car jacked. I only go there to get the airport and in those situations, I hire Brinks Security to run me out there.”

Said another lost fan: “Are they New York or Harrison, New Jersey? I get so confused with their name. Ever since that New York – New Jersey thing back in 1996, I’m just not sure where they are. I’m looking forward to the day when I don’t ever have to cross the river.”

Rumor: Red Bulls’ Market Research Study Rejects New Flavor

Sources that have seen Red Bull are aware that perhaps the company has been experimenting with new flavors. In an ever saturated “energy drink” market, Red Bull’s limitation of a single flavor has been a hindrance to exploding into the pre-toddler market. Rumors abound that Red Bull corporate has been looking to co-brand their new flavors for each of their football, skiing, racing, and extreme sports teams. However, while Red Bulls Salzburg, Austria has been market tested to great enjoyment, we have heard that Red Bull New York Red Bulls of Harrison, New Jersey has not won any fans in testing.

“It sort of looks ok on the outside but once you drink it. Man, I couldn’t tell if the initial shockingly bad taste was worse than the lingering horrid aftertaste. It was putrid. The flavor almost tries to get you to drink other energy drinks just to get that taste out of your mouth.”

According to company spokesmen, who probably said nothing on the issue,

“We tried to capture the essence of our Red Bull New York franchise. We look at this product in the New York region and say, we need to build more awareness in the marketplace. The new flavor would ideally provide drinkers with a good sense of their future experiences at Red Bull Arena in the New York region. We are looking to perhaps introduce some European influence into the current formulation to make it a more favorable experience for our future fans.”

Rumors or Myth: Thierry Henry to DC United

According to Internet rumors, DC United may be lined up to secure the services of Thierry Henry. Why? Well, because frankly the team needs someone like him. He could probably score half a dozen goals off of counter-attacks before most DC United players cleared their penalty box. I'm not saying that DC United's style of play has been slow of late but I've seen glaciers that move the ball faster.

However, we here at MLS Rumors Rumors call BS on this particular rumor. Why? Because we have checked all of our sources from across the East Coast and find little to no indication that anyone is stocking up on French wine. We believe that just like many before him, Mr. Henry's agent and publicist and hair stylist are promoting these rumors in order to extract another European transfer for the famous striker. Without much playing time at Barcelona, Mr. Henry's headlines disappear but with a few well placed rumors about a potential MLS signing, he's back on the front of the tabloids.

If Thierry Henry does somehow make it to MLS, we feel it would be tough to not find him in LA, New Jersey, or Seattle rather than DC. How that works in the salary cap and allocation is quite irrelevant. When Thierry Henry calls, MLS is going to say "Yes sir. No problem, sir. We'd love to accomodate you, sir. Can we fluff you some more, sir?"

Breaking Update:
According to more Internet rumors, Barcelona will be willing to let Henry leave before the end of his contract... Inquiring minds will want to keep track of this because I could see Henry packing his luggage full of aging European and South American stars longing to breathe the free air of MLS...

Red Bulls New York Red Bulls of Harrison, New Jersey Suspected of Demon Worship

If you have ever been to the Red Bulls Park in Red Bulls Harrison, Red Bulls New Jersey, then you may have been affected. Fortunately aside from the opening day crowd that was kidnapped and bussed to the stadium, most people in northern New Jersey and all of New York remain safe. According to a rumored satellite photo, it is clear that a giant pentagram and thaumaturgic triangle are carved into the field at the newly opened grounds. This can only mean that Red Bulls New York Red Bulls of Harrison, New Jersey have engaged in demon worship and summoning. Our sources believe this explains their unexpected form and success in this new MLS season.

Artists rendition of the rumored demon raising in North Jersey - note that the RBNYRDoHNJ even got a pony in the blood sealed bargain.

MLS Rumorsrumors has been trying to investigate the rumors of rumors of virgin sacrifices and other rites for some significant time. According to Internet data, the team regularly meets in order to pay homage to their blood thirsty lords of the underworld. In exchange for providing human sacrifices and other gifts (apparently demons really like $30 gift cards to certain coffee chains that like to speak in tongues), the demons have promised to help the Red Bulls New York Red Bulls of Harrison, New Jersey in their quest for winning something meaningful or at least making the playoffs.

Know that if we fall off the face of the earth, it is because of the massive conspiracy of demon worshiping evil-doers from northern New Jersey and not because we have nothing to write for our site. They are totally at fault.

RUMOR: Chinaglia to Manage RBNY?

Chinaglia with Noted Smokeless Tobacco Enthusiast Shep Messing

TAOS, NM: MLS Rumors Rumors was tripping balls on some peyote buttons yesterday when our Spirit Guide informed us that the bartender at his local has an inside line on the leading candidate to guide the Red Bull New York Red Bulls Of Harrison, New Jersey as they move into their grand new building on the banks of the scenic Passaic River. According to notes we scrawled in our authentic replica of Daniel Faraday's notebook, apparently in blood (not ours, thankfully), the coyote told us the following:

It's basically a done deal. RBNYRBOHNJ are returning to their NASL roots and bringing in Giorgio Chinaglia to manage the team. That whole Lazio extortion thing went nowhere, and now Chinaglia is looking for a new challenge. Red Bull's corporate bigwigs back in Austria think he's the perfect fit for the team; they're especially taken with his knowledge of and respect for MLS.

Our Spirit Guide Gives Us The Scoop On RBNYRBOHNJ's Coaching Search (Artist's Depiction)

Satirists Union Applies "Mercy Rule" To Red Bulls

NEW YORK, 17 August, 2009: In the wake of Red Bull New York Red Bulls Of Harrison New Jersey's MLS-record 13th consecutive league match without a win (16 in all competitions), a 2-0 home loss to Chivas EEUU, the International Brotherhood of Satirists (I.B.S.) announced today that it was applying an obscure rule to prevent further satire of RBNYRBOHNJ for the remainder of the season.

Known as the "Mercy Rule," or the "Clippers Rule," Section 8.06 of the Union's guidelines prevents "any additional satire directed at a team that, having lost so badly, so consistently, and in such novel ways that effective parody is no longer possible." The only previous instance of an MLS team even being considered for the Clippers Rule was in 1999, when, while doing business as the Metrostars, the current RBNYRBOHNJ set what was thought at the time to be an unbreakable record for futility. However, the I.B.S. Executive Committee decided not to apply the Clippers Rule at that time, based on the relatively brief existence of the franchise. "They just didn't have the history of failure back then," one I.B.S. insider told MLS Rumors Rumors over rounds of Yuengling at a too-trendy-by-half "dive bar" in Williamsburg, Brooklyn.

This time around, according to I.B.S. spokeswoman Candace Stringer, "the team's current ineptitude on the field, combined with the absolutely mystifying work being done by the front office, and the team's 14-season history of spectacular failure really makes continued comedy at their expense impossible. The I.B.S. has decided to invoke the Clippers Rule to prevent its members from the embarrassing likelihood that their best efforts will be overshadowed by the horrifically hilarious reality of the situation."

Red Bull Academy Side Eliminated From Skee Ball Tournament

Members of the Asbury Park Sharks warm up prior to their victory over the RBNY Youth Academy

ATLANTIC CITY, 6 August 2009: Red Bull New York Red Bulls Of Harrison, New Jersey's nightmare season of bad dreams continued last night, when, at the same time their senior squad was being eliminated from the CONCACAF Champions League by Trinidadian powerhouse W Connection, their Academy side was humiliated in the first round of an Atlantic City Boardwalk Skee Ball Tournament, losing to the Sharks, a co-ed U-10 side from the Asbury Park Boys & Girls Club, 1520 to 270.

"The Sharks really came at us hard in the first frame. We thought we could hold them off, but then right before halftime, we just fell apart," said Red Bulls Sporting Director Jeff Agoos, who was in Atlantic City for the match. "We feel that we have all the pieces in place for a successful skee ball team, we just have to concentrate a little harder."

The Red Bulls received bad news just two hours before the start of the match, when they learned that leading scorer John Paul Cherubim was ruled out by team doctors after suffering a mild concussion at a warm-up tournament last week, courtesy of a stray skee ball. When asked when he learned Cherubim would miss the match, Red Bull Director Of Youth Programs John Carl Soreass replied: "Well, two hours before the game. Frustrating, however that was a medical decision. It is my understanding the club's policy it is to have a player symptom free after a concussion and I'm just following the rules."

Agoos Trades Hall Of Fame Induction For Oduro

ONEONTA, NY, 3 August 2009: One day after his induction into the U.S. Soccer Hall Of Fame, Red Bull New York Red Bulls Of Harrison, New Jersey, Presented By Red Bull Sporting Director Jeff Agoos traded his Hall of Fame rights for Houston Dynamo striker Dominic Oduro. "I really feel like this is in the best interest of the club," said Agoos. "Dominic is a proven scorer, and someone I feel can really help this club win a third game this season."

Jeff Agoos has made more laughable trades than any other GM in MLS history.

MLS Rumors² has learned that Houston intends to trade the Hall of Fame rights to Toronto FC in exchange for Steve Cronin and Dwayne De Rosario. When asked if Mo Johnston realized that the Hall of Fame slot was only valid in the United States, our source, a Houston-area barrista, said, "You know, I don't think he knows that."

Red Bull NY Red Bulls of Harrison, NJ in Final, MLS Rumors² Staff in Denial

The author earlier today. I'm doing just fine - really! Thanks for asking!

WASHINGTON, DC, November 20, 2008: Following confirmation of previously discounted reports that the Red Bull New York Red Bulls of Harrison, NJ have reached the MLS Cup final, MLS Rumors² continued to deny reality.

"I mean, seriously, Western Conference champions? We're actually supposed to believe that? They don't even play in the Western Conference! You'll have to do a little better than that to pull the wool over our eyes," I said to my reflection as I decided not to shave yet again this morning. "Next thing you know, MLSnet.com is going to ask me to send my SSN and bank account number to some deposed government official in Nigeria. No thank you!"

When asked by my reflection just exactly what the hell I was talking about, I replied, "This conversation is over."

Sacrifice "worth it" according to sources

It really was not a hard choice for the 53 year old virgin. The Red Bull New York Red Bulls of Harrison, New Jersey needed something extra to get them to the MLS Cup. He knew what he had to do.

Picture of the altar used in the sacrifice.

John X (Name Redacted to protect his family, who did not want to be associated with a family member being a fan of the RBNYRBoHNJ) agreed to become the virgin sacrifice necessary to propel the team to the "next level". Said an anonymous source at the ritual, "he was happy in the knowledge that he would have a direct result in the team advancing. He knew there was no other way forward. I think we all know the dismal history that has led up to this point." John X was a loner, which is why he apparently became an early member of at least one of the New York New Jersey Metrostars fan groups. His sister, Alice X, stated to MLS Rumors² "He was an outcast. He found a home inside the empty Giant Stadium. He always said the silence made him so peaceful."

Apparently the strategy has worked as Red Bull New York Red Bulls of Harrison, New Jersey is now in the MLS Cup.

Arena + Donovan

When Bruce Arena took the reins at the Los Angeles Galaxy of Carson California, everyone speculated that he was drawn there due to the presence of one Landon Donovan.

"I made him, I can break him!

The question hung out there like a limp flag - Was Arena trying to re-write history about World Cup 2006 and prove that Donovan was the problem in Germany? Or was Arena trying to once again leverage Donovan, as in WC 2002, to get back his reputation, sullied by the Germany 2006 failure and the Red Bull New York Red Bulls of Harrison, New Jersey failure? Who could be sure, but one thing was clear, Arena and Donovan were back together.

Now, it appears that this true Hollywood story could be at an end. With the Los Angeles Galaxy of Carson, California's failure to reach the playoffs since David "Don't call me a circus" Beckham joined the club, Landon realized his only hope at glory was to leave the country. He is "training" currently with Jürgen "I'm almost American" Klinsmann's Bayern Munich, which for all intents and purposes looks like a trial for both club and player.

"Wow, I cannot believe how many good players there are in the world. Back home everyone tells me I'm the greatest."

If Landon Donovan finds himself with a contract at the foreign club, how much time will pass before Bruce Arena is enrolled in a Berlitz class and using Rosetta Stone at home? He's always wanted to coach abroad...

Red Bull Harrison Red Bulls Oust Dynamo; Satan: Bizarre Weather Patterns in Hell Man-Made

THIRD CIRCLE OF HELL, November 10, 2008:

Notorious gluttons gathered yesterday at an MLS viewing party were ecstatic when the Red Bull Harrison Red Bulls (brought to you by Red Bull: it gives you wiiiiiiiiiiings!) ousted two-time defending champions Houston Dynamo from the MLS Cup 2008 playoffs by a shocking 3-0 scoreline.

Satan: Bizarre weather "Certain[ly] man-made"

"We've all been pulling for Red Bulls," said Orson Welles. "For all eternity, Satan has buffeted the Third Circle with freezing rain, hail, and black snow. When the Red Bulls took the last playoff spot, the freezing rain let up...and after the Houston game, the hail disappeared. We're all hoping that if Salt Lake chokes, maybe the black snow will finally stop."

Satan was reached for comment at his Undisclosed location: "We don't know if there's any correlation between Red Bulls' success and the strange weather patterns that have been affecting us here in Hell, but we are certain that it is somehow man-made." When pressed further on the matter, Satan replied, "Listen, I'm the motherf*cking Prince of Darkness! I don't have to take this shit from you arugula-chomping, latte-sucking, Volvo-driving, New York Times-reading media elite. This interview is finished!"

Garber: Retirement is the new black.

With the breathless debate and interest raised by the news of Cuauhtemoc Blanco's retirement from international duty, Don Garber the MLS Supremo has decided that MLS will use retirement as a way to get news headlines.

First off, Kansas and Columbus will retire from obscurity. Apparently, these teams still exist and will actually market themselves as soccer events instead of just highlighting celebrity appearances and half time light saber duels. We believe that FC Dallas elected to remain retired from view in hopes of keeping all the pizza in Pizza Hut Park for themselves. Second, there is a serious debate about whether the Red Bull New York Red Bulls of Harrison New Jersey will retire from their dismal record of failure. And finally, DC United fans steadfastly refused to retire from their arrogance about winning 12 major international and domestic trophies in 12 years of existence.

BREAKING: Chelsea Move to Occupy Upton Park [UPDATED]

LONDON, 14 August: In a stunning move, Chelsea appear to have moved on Upton Park, and reports out of London's East End indicate that Chelsea are now in full control of West Ham's ground. A Chelsea spokesman told a morning press gaggle that, "West Ham's failure to adequately control their hooligan supporters has left Chelsea with no choice but to secure the safety of our players and supporters by force. Their hooligans acted out violently in Columbus, USA, and we are now in the process of punishing the aggressor."

Chelsea forces easily overwhelmed the Hammers' token resistance

West Ham manager Alan Curbishley pleaded for help from the other members of the Big Four, but with Liverpool overextended to the breaking point in Belgium, Manchester United engulfed in tabloid drama, and Arsenal not giving a shit, there appears to be little hope of anyone coming to the Hammers' aid.

MLS Rumors² has also learned that Chelsea owner Roman "Little Putin" Abramovich has travelled across London to manage the occupation himself.

MLS Rumors² reached Noted International Hooligan Expert Douglas "Dougie" Brimson for comment. Mr. Brimson noted that:

This sort of thing is just the logical extension of the problems facing MLS. If not for the inability of security to control the actions of the Kolumbus Krew Kidz at their friendly versus West Ham, none of this tragedy would have ensued. MLS must. Get. Its. Act. Together...or Chelsea's next stop could be Red Bull Park. Mark my words, America: the Hooliganpocalypse is coming. Be afraid. Be very afraid. The only way to save yourselves is to buy and read my books. All of them. New, not used, please.

Indeed, we here at MLS Rumors² agree: it's all Columbus' fault. Especially Bill Archer. I hope he's happy.

UPDATE: In a statement to the press, Abramovich rejected calls from West Ham for a ceasefire and declared that his club would pursue its mission to its "logical conclusion".

A day after a face-to-face meeting with Liverpool co-owner Tom Hicks, who expressed "grave concern", Mr. Abramovich accused Liverpool of siding with West Ham by ferrying West Ham reserves to the East End.

"It is a shame that some of our partners are not helping us but, essentially, are hindering us," said Mr. Abramovich. "The very scale of this cynicism is astonishing."

Breaking News: Salary Cap 2009

MLS Rumors Rumors' intrepid staff have worked sources from coffee shops, bars, restaurants, donut shoppes, and even an ill-advised Swedish Massage parlour (let's just say, it was as close to Gitmo as most of us would like to be). At long last, we have sourced the rumors about a change in the salary cap for the 2009 season. Garber and company have seen the attendance, merchandise, and ratings push gained from the David Beckham signing and have decided to offer teams a new option for some splash in the league.

MLS' object of obsession

According to a down on her luck Barrista from the soon to be closed coffee shop near MLS HQ, teams will be allowed to have up to four designated players accounting for up to $20 million in salary! Yes, $20 million! However, to keep parity (i.e. the Kraft amendment), teams that elect this option will have a maximum salary cap of $100,000 for the rest of the squad. Garber apparently told a bartender at a local hangout, "Look we needed some flash. After Beckham, none of the foreign signings have made any media hype. Who knows Angel or Gallardo or that guy from Toronto or that Hucksteraby dude? We need Ronaldo, hopefully all three of them on one team! We need Zidane and that Mazerati guy! MLS will go under if we don't get some more flashy players that everyone knows." Our sources believe that only two teams are currently interested in this option of four designated players, LA Galaxy and Red Bull New York Red Bulls of Harrison New Jersey. A bouncer at a well known music club in Los Angeles reported that a certain red haired patron stated, "we care about the American dudes too. I mean, this deal is all about their development. We can get Becks, Ronaldo, Ronaldihno, and Chris Ronaldo to help out with our developmental guys. You know, guys like Doug Merritt and that bearded guy and that cool music type guy with the goatee, and some of our other youngsters will get first team time with those great players. What could be better for a super club like ours?" When asked about the need for four designated players, Ruud Gullit said, "wait, wouldn't we be giving up one of our players if we only had four?"