Breaking: Abbey Okulaja to Ref World Cup Final

Sepp Blatter has just announced that FIFA has accepted the petition from Abbey Okulaja to referee the World Cup Final.

”He made a compelling argument augmented by women footballers in appropriate dress.”

MLS Rumors² has speculated that the argument consisted of a replay of the US – Slovenia match with an attached note: “I could do no worse.”

Confirmation: Thierry Henry to Stain Reputation

As we have been reporting all along, media reports of Thierry Henry's pending transfer to MLS have taken a big step forward. The Boston Globe is reporting that an MLS official confirmed the speculation that will send the French forward to the US after the World Cup. We here at MLS Rumors Rumors are proud to say that we helped break the story and bring it to you, first-ish.

According to the speculation, Thierry Henry believes that his handling techniques are uniquely suited for the debacle that is the Red Bull New York Red Bulls of Harrison, New Jersey and he is looking forward to pouting, diving, and generally making fun of the referees in MLS.

"I am particularly, eh, looking forward to meeting up with this, how you say, Abbey Okulaja. I, eh, believes that he would buy my nod, shuffle, handball even if I were to do it five centimeters from his face."

RUMOR: EA to include "MLS Ref" setting in FIFA 2011

REDWOOD CITY, CA May 1 2010:

MLS Rumors Rumors has learned of the latest innovation from EA Sports. According to an EA game tester who we got wasted on Jager bombs last night, the pioneering gaming company will add an "MLS Ref" setting to its FIFA gaming franchise's 2011 edition.

"'S'like, gonna be gnarly, brah! No matter what league yer playin' in, you click 'MLS Ref', and every match, you get a randomly assigned MLS ref. Totally fucks you up, man! Imagine, your, like, playin' Arsenal, and your takin' on fuckin' Spurs, right? And all of a sudden, there's Terry Vaughn calling back a goal for offsides...only it was on a fucking throw-in! Or you have Barcelona versus Manchester United in the Champion's League final and Barca have a two goal lead - then Abbey Okulaja awards Manchester United two penalty kicks out of nowhere! It will just make it all more exciting."

MLS Identifies New Referee Trainer

Rating: 3 (Stone-Cold Lock)

Executives at MLS are apparently excited about their target for training MLS referees. This was an unexpected move for MLS, who really had not been searching for someone to work to improve the referee situation. Normally, the USSF provides the training for MLS referees, but sources at MLS HQ indicated that the change was brought on by an amazing set of circumstances this morning in Washington DC. Long-time columnist Robert Novak struck a pedestrian with his corvette this morning and, in a dramatic turn of events, not only did not notice but actually continued to drive with the pedestrian splayed across the car's hood. Novak was apparently completely oblivious to the situation. Our source's bartender tells us that MLS executives found this blatant disregard for an infraction appealing and are hopeful that Novak can bring this level of indifference and lack of awareness to MLS referees: "Look, with this kind of ability, all of our referees could be on par with Abbey [Okulaja]."