”He made a compelling argument augmented by women footballers in appropriate dress.”
Do Not Trust This ManRESTON, VA: In an exclusive interview with MLS Rumors Rumors, Dave Thomasson, a Northern Virginia man widely known for his passionate love of both DC United and the United States national team, expressed his recent struggle to reconcile his love of the Nats with his burning hatred of the man he refers to only as "Cheatin' Bob":
Little Steven was kinda being a dick during the early games, you know, talking shit to all the Greeks and Argentines, but whatever, you know? That's just Steven, he's a dick.
Then we got into the pre-game stuff for the U.S. game...Oh man, he took it up a notch. He was standing up on a bar stool, and it was all, "You'd be German!" and "Lend Lease was Limey welfare, Lend Lease was Limey welfare, oh-way oh-way, oh-way oh-way!" I mean, they let that slide, because it was kinda funny, in a douchetastic sorta way...but then the game started, and Gerrard scored right away, and that kinda took the crowd out of it. So Little Steven was up on his stool, and no one's following his chants, or joining in his songs, or whatever. I mean, the best he could get out of people was a really half-assed "U-S-A" chant. It was sad, really...but Little Steven just fucking FREAKED, man...he starts laying into people, you know? Like, shit like, "Fucking sing, you fucking pussies! What the fuck? Sing, bitches, fucking SING!"
Little Steven puts on his game face.
I mean, it was really making people uncomfortable, right? So he's just up on his stool, making an ass of himself, and finally this guy standing right next to him - and seriously, this dude was almost as tall as Little Steven, only without standing on a bar stool, you know? I mean, dude was *huge*, right? So this big dude just looks at Little Steven, and he says, real loud, "Dude, you know the team can't fucking tell if we're singing or not, right?" And everyone in the place just busts out laughing...and then Little Steven just fucking jumped on the dude. Like, just fucking jumped on him and tried to start whaling on him...so the big dude just like walks towards the door, with Little Steven hanging on him, and the crowd just fucking parts, like the Red fucking Sea, right? People are like, "Yo, what?" And the bid dude just gets to the front door, plucks Little Steven off like he was a fucking Chihuahua, chucks him out onto the sidewalk, turns, and walks back into the bar.
Little Steven spent, like, the next 20 minutes trying to get back in, but the dude working the door was all, "Sorry, bro, but we're over capacity, Fire Marshall won't let anyone else in." Finally he just gave up and left. I'd say it was kinda sad, but for real? I haven't stopped laughing about it, man. Just watching that little dude, all dressed up like Uncle Sam's Mini-Me, getting thrown out onto the street like a rag doll after calling everyone in that whole bar pussies for not singing at a fucking television.
Spartans! Tonight we Ice each other IN HELL!!1!one!!1eleven!MOUNT PLEASANT, WASHINGTON, DC:
I mean, we always just figured soccer was for fags, and not cock diesel bros like us, but then our recent international brotege, Sergio, totally schooled us. He went to see some Italian team play whatever the hell the team here is called, the Uniteds or something, and he, like, totally brought home these two SMOKING hot foreign chicks. We were all, Brah, is there any more soccer coming up? And he was like, my Brosephs, the World Cup is, like, totally about to start. We were all, the Kingdom of Brah is there, bro! Then he said it's in South Africa, so we were all, let's fire up the 60" LED and bring on the foreign chicks! Plus, Sergio totally works at the World Bank, brah, so we're gonna be swimming in foreign tail! It's gonna be Teddy Brosevelt leading the Rough Riders all over again, yo!Via further inquiries, MLS Rumors² has confirmed that the Temple of Broseidon will be converting its protein shake blenders into "Brah-garita blenders" for the duration of the World Cup.
“I could do a bar in Baltimore, but there's the crowd factor, the driving home an hour or so after drinking and (probably) losing factor so it's less appealing. I doubt any places in Hanover will do anything special so I'll probably end up in the basement alone, drinking and swearing.”
"Look, if FIFA didn't have this number, this 23, I'd have probably only selected 16 or 17 of these guys. Some are clearly make weight."
Guzan: Better pack some Cup O' Soup, because Supper Is For Starters
"I have no desire to out those individuals that would fall off the team if not required to bring 23. I don't traffic in idle gossip. I'm not a rumor monger. If you want to read that kind of trash, stick to MLS Rumors Rumors. That said, we haven't bothered assigning Robbie Findley a jersey number, and Brad Guzan won't even be issued a uniform at all. Those guys are more than welcome to eat with the team, though...well, breakfast anyway, and maybe lunch. Dinner, they're on their own, because Nike clearly stated that 'Supper is for starters and subs only,' so feeding guys like that, well, it's just not in the budget."
”Our current target has some duties until the end of the World Cup and then we are looking to announce him to the world. Trust us, he is a name you will all recognize.”
Could he be the next mid-season Argentinean import for DC United?
Hah hah! Silly little fanbois! WUSS laughs at your childish dreams!
“Who doesn’t like getting chocolate hearts and flower? I feel like the Prom Queen and Homecoming Queen for every high school across the country. But some of the guys are really overdoing it. I’ve got a young former prodigy’s mom sending me a bouquet of flowers every day. That is nothing compared to the daily gift baskets of fruits and nuts that I’m getting from some guy based in England that is apologizing for deleting my phone number out of his cell – I forget his name.”
“Look, we can keep our fans thinking that we will bring in a big World Cup star after the tournament. That will hold them until July, no matter how many losses we rack up. And then post-World Cup if we announce we are making a few fact-finding and scouting missions, Chang will cover our vacations. By the time the fans are the wiser, it will be August and DC United will be pushed off the radar by the Redskins. This could work…”
Bob Bradley awaiting marching orders?
"Hey, we cannot even afford to pay our players, how can I afford to build more on my house?"
In a startling move, Domino Sugar has made a political play over the upcoming FIFA World Cup CONCACAF Region Second Round Group Stage qualifying match between these United States of America and Cuba. Leadership at the company has reportedly demanded, via CIA pouch, that the match not be played unless a guarantee of at least 6 defections can be delivered to corporate HQ by kickoff time (7:00 PM) on matchday (Oct. 11). Representatives of the company declined requests for comment. Multiple bartenders in Baltimore watering holes near the Domino Factory in the rapidly gentrifying neighborhoods of South Baltimore have provided MLSRumors² with some juicy scoopage on the rumored move.
According to Lucky, from Patapsco, who incidentally got that nickname from playing the ponies down at Pimlico, top brass at the factory have been making noise about their desire to see "a couple more Galindos playing in the MLS." Lucky also tells us that one of the managers mentioned some bitterness by some of the old timers at the company about Castro's seizure of sugar plantations in Cuba following the revolution led by himself and World Armchair Revolutionary Logo Merchandising Icon™ Ernesto "Che" Guevara in the late 50s.
