Latest: Mexican National Team Bid for US

According to sources that may understand Spanish, the Mexican Futbol Federation is looking to move to the United States. Sources report that the Mexican Federation's success at drawing large crowds in the United States has them contemplating a move north. The plan would be to challenge the US Soccer's right to represent the United States at FIFA events.

A representative speculating on the Mexican Federations position said:

"We have done our research. According to documents uncovered, FIFA has a clause for minorities. We are going to talk to Diamond Jack about getting us in under this clause. We should be representing the territory of the United States within the next World Cup cycle."

MLS Rumors Rumors could not confirm the use of evil laughter after the above speculation. US Soccer officials were unavailable for contact after rumored to be "wining and dining" people in South Africa.

Confidential: Diamond Jack's E-mail Revealed

To: MLSRUMORSRUMORS
From: Diamond Jack
Date: August 13, 2009
Re: Seattle's USOC Bid

Dear Mr. Rumorsrumors,

It has come to our attention that you are the most reliable news outlet discussing the recent controversy regarding the US Open Cup Final venue. We would like to say that we firmly believe the process run by our colleagues at US Soccer is as open, fair, and reliable as any run by CONCACAF, FIFA, and the Trinidad & Tobago FA. We know that they looked at the various options brought in the bids and compared them on the merits. For example, if one club was willing to pony up some assets to assure that the US Soccer decision committee could make their evaluation and decision in a place of relaxation and enjoyment, instead of from the stressful location of their offices, that club should be viewed more favorably than another. If one club understands the demands placed upon individual members of such committees and pro-actively provides those members with appreciation and thanks, that club should recieve the benefit of the doubt. This is the way the world works and no amount of finger pointing and suggestions of impropriety will change that.

We know that the entire US Soccer organization is above reproach and we have thoroughly enjoyed working with them. We look forward to continuing our thankless tasks in football together and will enjoy seeing them at the spa in South Africa, which was provided free-of-charge from one such appreciative FA.

Best Regards,

Diamond

PS: I regret to tell you that phone service in Trinidad & Tobago is somewhat spotty. We can only assure a good connection through heavy monetary investments, which we fund through our Diamond Jack Footy Tours operation. According to our records, not enough US fans travelling to Mexico for the recent qualifier chose our company and we were unable to pay for our phone services. Diamond Jack likes to put a call in to the referee before the match to assure a fair and unbiased performance, which he was unable to do for this match. We are sorry that the events of the day demonstrated the need for such a phone call. In the future, it would help us all if you could tell your readers to choose Diamond Jack Footy Tours for all their travel needs.

This e-mail is to be embargoed until August 24, 2009. We also request that broadcasters refer to "The" Diamond Jack of Diamond Jack Footy Tours, so as not to confuse people with the other Diamond Jack, who runs a snake farm in Florida.

Warner: No Corruption In USSF

Port-Of-Spain, Trinidad: CONCACAF Chairman "Diamond" Jack Warner today vehemently denied reports of possible corruption within the USSF. "I can assure you, there is absolutely no corruption in the USSF. They are run as legally and as efficiently as my travel agency, Diamond Jack's Footy Tours. Diamond Jack's: when you just can't get tickets any other way! They are a bunch of racists, though."

Goodwill for Obama

The US is getting assurance that the country will host World Cup 2018 or 2022. According to the Guardian, Obama's election has won the goodwill of some of FIFA's finest and will likely net a win in the World Cup hosting column (actual sporting results may vary).

"Hey, we cannot even afford to pay our players, how can I afford to build more on my house?"

We here at the MLS Rumors­­² went out to figure out who this "high placed" source at FIFA could be. And while we are not saying that we left any stone unturned, we can say that the sources we spoke with believe the source is none other than Diamond Jack Warner of Trinidad & Tobago. That is right, our discussion group believes that Diamond Jack is looking to get a quid pro quo arrangement with President-Elect Obama. We think that he is likely looking for a developmental loan because as you all know, he comes from a poor country and cannot afford to build a 80,000 sq ft. extension on his mansion without a grant from the rich and powerful United States.