Koman Coulibaly: I Don't Like Fridays

The silicon chip inside his head
Gets switched to overload.
And nobody's gonna win the match today,
Hee's going to make them draw instead.
Bob Bradley doesn't understand it,
He really thought that it was a goal.
And he can see no reason
'Cause there are no reasons
What reason do you need to be shown?

Tell me why?
I don't like Fridays.
Tell me why?
I don't like Fridays.
Tell me why?
I don't like Fridays.
I want to disallow
The whole damn day.

The telex machine is kept so clean
As it types to a waiting world.
And Landon feels so shocked,
Edu's world is rocked,
And their thoughts turn to
Their own little ref.
The round of 16 ain't so peachy keen,
No, it ain't so neat to admit defeat.
They can see no reasons
'Cause there are no reasons
What reason do you need to be shown?

Tell me why?
I don't like Fridays.
Tell me why?
I don't like Fridays.
Tell me why?
I don't like Fridays.
I want to shoot
The whole day down.

All the playing's stopped at Ellis Park now
He wants to play with his toys a while.
And the match ended early and soon we'll be learning
And the lesson today is how to tie.
And then the tannoy crackles,
And the manager crackles,
With the problems and the how's and why's.
And he can see no reasons
'Cause there are no reasons
What reason do you need to tie?

Tell me why?
I don't like Fridays.
Tell me why?
I don't like Fridays.
Tell me why?
I don't like Fridays.
I want to shoot
The whole day down.

Latest: Mexican National Team Bid for US

According to sources that may understand Spanish, the Mexican Futbol Federation is looking to move to the United States. Sources report that the Mexican Federation's success at drawing large crowds in the United States has them contemplating a move north. The plan would be to challenge the US Soccer's right to represent the United States at FIFA events.

A representative speculating on the Mexican Federations position said:

"We have done our research. According to documents uncovered, FIFA has a clause for minorities. We are going to talk to Diamond Jack about getting us in under this clause. We should be representing the territory of the United States within the next World Cup cycle."

MLS Rumors Rumors could not confirm the use of evil laughter after the above speculation. US Soccer officials were unavailable for contact after rumored to be "wining and dining" people in South Africa.

INTRIGUE :: Domino Effect

Rating :: 3

In a startling move, Domino Sugar has made a political play over the upcoming FIFA World Cup CONCACAF Region Second Round Group Stage qualifying match between these United States of America and Cuba. Leadership at the company has reportedly demanded, via CIA pouch, that the match not be played unless a guarantee of at least 6 defections can be delivered to corporate HQ by kickoff time (7:00 PM) on matchday (Oct. 11). Representatives of the company declined requests for comment. Multiple bartenders in Baltimore watering holes near the Domino Factory in the rapidly gentrifying neighborhoods of South Baltimore have provided MLSRumors² with some juicy scoopage on the rumored move.

According to Lucky, from Patapsco, who incidentally got that nickname from playing the ponies down at Pimlico, top brass at the factory have been making noise about their desire to see "a couple more Galindos playing in the MLS." Lucky also tells us that one of the managers mentioned some bitterness by some of the old timers at the company about Castro's seizure of sugar plantations in Cuba following the revolution led by himself and World Armchair Revolutionary Logo Merchandising Icon™ Ernesto "Che" Guevara in the late 50s.

It remains to be seen what will happen at RFK Stadium on Saturday evening. Will USSF bow to pressure from the Sugar giant? We shall see.

MLS appeal for sanctions on FIFA

According to rumors surrounding MLS HQ, at a meeting between MLS Supremo Don Garber and US Vice President Dick Cheney, Garber has asked the United States government to levy sanctions against the Swiss-based FIFA. Why you might ask? Everyone knows there are questionable the practices at Football's governing body and that many people dislike the running of the organization, but sanctions do seem a bit out of place. The spat is due to FIFA's unwillingness to accomodate MLS' schedule in their plans for qualification. According to Garber, MLS cannot take a break for FIFA dates, so they lobbied for FIFA to reconsider their international dates. In response, Sepp Blatter told MLS officials that their request was not helpful to the promotion of all things FIFA.

Blatter: MLS is not doing all it can to promote FIFA.

MLS officials then held an internal meeting determine their next course of action. After review of US policy on countries and organizations that do not cave to the US way of thinking, MLS decided to begin their retaliation by imposing sanctions, having exhausted diplomatic efforts. However, MLS Rumors Rumors has learned that this is not all that Garber has for options. According to a source in the document replication and disposal unit of MLS HQ, Garber has already reached out to people about putting together a commando raid on FIFA HQ and has investigated joining the G-14 clubs (i.e. the now 18 or more European clubs that want to break from UEFA to earn more money in a European Super League instead of domestic competitions) and has talked about having a word with "Diamond" Jack. Stay tuned here for updates on this developing rumor.

NEW SPONSOR: DiamondJack's Footy Tours

MLS Rumors² would like to extend a hearty welcome to our newest (and first!) sponsor, Diamond Jack's Footy Tours! We'll soon have plenty of clickable adverts from them adorning our front page, but in the meantime, here's a sneak peek!

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Diamond Jack's! Experience football the island way!

REPORT: Caribbean Nations to form "Windies" FIFA squad

Rating : 3 (too much Vat 19 rum in our system)

MLSRumors² doesn't often delve into the sordid underbelly of the footballing world, namely internationals. However, on this occasion, the editors feel it our duty to our faithful readers to report on an item picked up on a recent skin-diving expedition to the lovely islands of Turks & Caicos.

The word in the incredibly well-stocked kitchen at the swank private island resort of Parrot Cay is that leaders of the football associations of the assorted Carribean nations not named Trinidad & Tobago or Jamaica have been meeting in secret in an audacious bid to form a united "Windies" (West + Indies = Windies) squad in the fashion of their cricketing cousins.

Of course, rogue elements at the command of such footballing "dignitaries" such as Austin "Diamond" Jack Warner and his emperor, the all-powerful Lord Septic Bladder of Geneva, will be aware of such dissent brewing in the smaller island nations will move swiftly to brutally put down any hint of rebellion. Reached at his top-secret lair in Port of Spain, "Diamond" Jack Warner had only this to say:

"These pissant countries had betta watch out, you hear? I will display the awesome force of my OG travel agency thugs and send them down to Davy Jones locker. You want something within FIFA, you better check with me first bitchez. There is no way I will allow my personal pocket-lining operation to be threatened by a bunch of dope-smoking hash-slingers working at the pleasure of the tourists of America, Europe, and the filthy swine of England. Hey, asshole, before you go, who put you up to this? That Andrew Jennings fucker? I swear to Christ, the whole Dominica thing will look like a game of tetherball when I finish with this"

...You better check with me first bitchez

Presumably, Warner was referring to the comical stranglehold he possesses on FIFA proceedings, given the 35 votes he controls in the CONCACAF region. Should the smaller islands unite under one flag, presumably the votes would reduce. Naturally, Diamond Jack would not like that development, and neither would his colleagues at the fat cat's table. Men of no principals, like Chuck "Plaid" Blazer, and other miserable humans.

When asked about the mooted gambit by the smaller islands, MLS benchwarmer and Bermuda superstar Khano Smith gushed "I'm intrigued by this idea. Just think, me and my mate Shalrie (not a girl's name) Joseph could be teamed up with the magnificent Andrew Williams and the ageless Dwight Yorke!" Ignoring rustling in the nearby bushes, Smith continued to ejaculate: "I mean, come on! We will finally be able to put up a strong fight against Mexico and the US, and forget about those punks in Costa Rica for sure. Hey, I'm going to call my ag...rr.g.rgghhhhh"

It was at this moment that the conversation between our informant and Smith was cut short by what appeared to be a poison-tipped dart to the carotid artery. Smith was rushed by Revolution training staff members to the clubhouse. We anxiously await news of his condition.

As new information is available, we will inform you, dear readers, of the developments. Unfortunately, many of our sources in the Caribbean have gone missing. Now, what's this wire doing sticking our of our gas tank?