Breaking: The MLS Changes Don Garber Did NOT Announce

We all know that MLS has many things in the works and they are trying to balance the people that follow soccer (or football, if you want the better known name) and the people that only come out because their little kids play recreation soccer and got free tickets. MLS headquarters has been all abuzz with new changes expected over the next few years to secretly appease the football aficionados without alienating the US American public (which to date really has ignored MLS, anyway...).

Top secrets Garber does not want you to know:

Promotion/Relegation

Yes, it is coming to MLS. However, because everyone knows that after paying a multi-million dollar franchise fee, the operator/owners are unwilling to be placed into a second division, MLS is working out a compromise, whereby the last place team in the stronger conference will be sent to the weaker conference and the top team in the weaker conference will be sent to the stronger conference. The strength of the conferences will be determined by the all-star balloting - the conference which sends more players to the All-Star game will judged the stronger.

Single Table

You might think with the above organization that MLS will forever neglect the single table, however, this is not the case. In all league announcements, the teams will be ranked in a single table. This ranking will have no bearing on the playoff set up, which will be done by conference. Thus it will be possible for the #5 ranked team to be the top seed in their conference.

End to the Eastern and Western Conferences

MLS has started to evaluate the need to change the format from East vs. West to North vs. South. According to team location evaluators Harvey Mason and George Dixon, there will be a line drawn somewhere across the US to divide things into North and South.

International Calendar

With the division of North and South, MLS will play a split schedule that aligns with the European schedule. All of the Southern Conference teams will host matches from October through March and the Northern Conference will host August/September and April/May. MLS Cup will become a fixture on Memorial Day Sunday at 8pm Eastern Daylight Time.

Supporters Shield

The league is debating providing more importance to the Supporters Shield winner. One proposal is that the winner will be allowed to have a roster depth and salary cap equivalent to the LA Galaxy for the season after winning.

Name Change

Major League Soccer is seriously considering changing their name to the La Premier Bundesliga.

Latest: DC United Seeking Points From Friendly

Kevin Payne, Dave Kasper, and Curt Onalfo have taken issue with MLS over the value of Wednesday Night's match against AC Milan. The DC United management team is wondering why they have not received some compensation in the MLS league standings for their heroic victory over the Italian side. After dropping 8 of their first nine matches, the team is desparate for any and all points that can be assigned.

"You saw our players giving their all against one of the best teams in the world. How can that be for naught?"

When reached for comment, MLS supremo and general ruler of MLSsoccer.com Don Garber may well have said something like:

"They don't know that it is supposed to be a damn show. They think it is a damn fight."

Investigation: End of MLS Playoffs?

MLS Rumors² is tracking down news that could fundamentally affect the results of this Major League Soccer season. We have it on some authority that Don Garber and company are considering cancelling the playoffs. According to one anonymous source, Don has said:

Look, we are still on the fence about this playoff thing. We had them early on in the league and then decided to cancel them from 2000 through 2002. In 2003, we brought them back but we are again reassessing the need.

Our crack reporters will stay on top of this developing story.

Breaking News: MLS To Start Grapefruit League

According to rumors, DC United has taken an interest in Puerto Rican soccer. However, we here at MLS Rumors² could not rest without knowing the whole story. According to sources near to the MLS Cup, the interest is actually league-wide and would consist of a spring league similar to Major League Baseball's Grapefruit leagues in Florida and Arizona. The Major League Soccer Grapefruit League would consist of one game against all of the other teams regardless of conference. The 15 teams with the most shots and the most successful step overs would advance to the playoffs. The playoffs would consist of 10 corner kicks for each team against a goal keeper of Don Garber's choice with a best 11 "defense team" against the playoff teams. The 10 teams with the most goals would advance to a second match of 3 20 minute periods. The five teams coming out of this would draw lots to advance to the final, which will be a match played at the international destination of MLS Executive Ivan Gazidis' choice. The winner of the Grapefruit League would get a berth in the Super Liga with the option to have a friendly during the MLS All Star Weekend against West Ham.

Obama to "Fix MLS"?

Although edited from the 60 Minutes discussion that aired on Sunday, President-Elect Barak Obama had a few things to say about other sports in addition to NCAA football. According to rumored sources, Mr. Obama is believed to be investigating the need to establish a task force to assist MLS in changing for the better. The list of changes are potentially divisive among the MLS fan base and include such long-term Bigsoccer.com debates as the viability of promotion and relegation, the use of a single table, and the elimination of the MLS Playoffs. We have it on good authority that Obama believes in the "purity" of the game and would like to bring rationality to MLS. "The elimination of the shoot out and the keeping of time on the field have been great steps forward but we need to look at bringing ourselves into line with the major leagues in Europe to forge greater alliances and improve our reputation."

In response, MLS Supremo Don Garber probably had this to say "Well, of course we welcome suggestions and comments from the President-elect. It is clear the American people like his policies on MLS and we are looking forward to working together. However, we already have a competition committee and hope that the President-elect's task force does not overstep our authority as a private enterprise."

MLS appeal for sanctions on FIFA

According to rumors surrounding MLS HQ, at a meeting between MLS Supremo Don Garber and US Vice President Dick Cheney, Garber has asked the United States government to levy sanctions against the Swiss-based FIFA. Why you might ask? Everyone knows there are questionable the practices at Football's governing body and that many people dislike the running of the organization, but sanctions do seem a bit out of place. The spat is due to FIFA's unwillingness to accomodate MLS' schedule in their plans for qualification. According to Garber, MLS cannot take a break for FIFA dates, so they lobbied for FIFA to reconsider their international dates. In response, Sepp Blatter told MLS officials that their request was not helpful to the promotion of all things FIFA.

Blatter: MLS is not doing all it can to promote FIFA.

MLS officials then held an internal meeting determine their next course of action. After review of US policy on countries and organizations that do not cave to the US way of thinking, MLS decided to begin their retaliation by imposing sanctions, having exhausted diplomatic efforts. However, MLS Rumors Rumors has learned that this is not all that Garber has for options. According to a source in the document replication and disposal unit of MLS HQ, Garber has already reached out to people about putting together a commando raid on FIFA HQ and has investigated joining the G-14 clubs (i.e. the now 18 or more European clubs that want to break from UEFA to earn more money in a European Super League instead of domestic competitions) and has talked about having a word with "Diamond" Jack. Stay tuned here for updates on this developing rumor.