INTRIGUE :: Domino Effect

Rating :: 3

In a startling move, Domino Sugar has made a political play over the upcoming FIFA World Cup CONCACAF Region Second Round Group Stage qualifying match between these United States of America and Cuba. Leadership at the company has reportedly demanded, via CIA pouch, that the match not be played unless a guarantee of at least 6 defections can be delivered to corporate HQ by kickoff time (7:00 PM) on matchday (Oct. 11). Representatives of the company declined requests for comment. Multiple bartenders in Baltimore watering holes near the Domino Factory in the rapidly gentrifying neighborhoods of South Baltimore have provided MLSRumors² with some juicy scoopage on the rumored move.

According to Lucky, from Patapsco, who incidentally got that nickname from playing the ponies down at Pimlico, top brass at the factory have been making noise about their desire to see "a couple more Galindos playing in the MLS." Lucky also tells us that one of the managers mentioned some bitterness by some of the old timers at the company about Castro's seizure of sugar plantations in Cuba following the revolution led by himself and World Armchair Revolutionary Logo Merchandising Icon™ Ernesto "Che" Guevara in the late 50s.

It remains to be seen what will happen at RFK Stadium on Saturday evening. Will USSF bow to pressure from the Sugar giant? We shall see.

BREAKING: Eddie Johnson vanishes from team hotel, presumed to have defected

HAVANA, 6 September 2008: MLS Rumors² has learned from an inside source who spoke to a bartender at the U.S. national team's hotel this morning that U.S. forward Eddie "Grown-Ass Man" Johnson has vanished from the team hotel, and is presumed to have defected. According to our source:

Eddie is pretty desperate for first-team playing time, and things weren't looking good for him at Cardiff City. At this point, his only other option was "pulling a Wolff" and returning to Kansas City with his tail between his legs...and he figured the Grown- Ass thing to do was to defect to Cuba instead. He's pretty sure he can get some minutes for FC Pinar del Río.

Johnson: Grown-Ass Defector?

Our source also informed us that Bob Bradley is still planning on listing Johnson in tonight's starting lineup, because, "frankly, most people probably won't notice the difference."