Breaking News: Bigsoccer.com Poster Claims All Is Lost

With the pending MLS Expansion Draft and Dance Party on Wednesday, bigsoccer.com poster USSawkerFan32 is fearing the worst. According to posts on the well known soccer pundit site, USSawkerFan32 claims "I know they are going to take our best player. I cannot believe our management did not protect him. He is key to us winning the cup next season. I might as well just consign our season to the trash heap."

MLS Fans prepare for the MLS Expansion Draft and Dance Party.

MLS expansion team Seattle Sounders FC have not confirmed their selections in the draft and dance party but a source close to their management said, "look, if we can weaken our opposition at the same time we strengthen our team, we are going to take that opportunity."

USSawkerFan32 replied, "I knew it. They are going to gut our team..."

U.S. gets first-ever qualifying win at Guatemala; Bradley greeted at airport by pitchfork-wielding mob

Following the first-ever qualifying win by the U.S. at Guatemala, Bob Bradley arrived stateside this morning to an angry mob of pitchfork and torch-wielding fanatics calling for his head. MLS Rumors² held its nose and ventured into the BigSawker post-match thread so you don't have to, and we came away with some insight into what those angry villagers are thinking (remember folks, these are actual quotes from actual BigSawker posters):

"Bob Bradley needs to be punched in the face by every single USA player who put his time in..."

"Fire Bradley"

"our players, fans, and alumni deserve better than what Bradley gave us tonight"

"Bradley's system makes Donovan invisible"

"Bob Bradley needs to learn every game against any team in CONCACAF, becides for Mexico is a MUST WIN, and most of the time a very easy win if we play to our potential."

"Bob Bradley: What the hell? Do you seriously just want us to fail?"

"BRADLY MUST GET THE F OUT OF THERE NOW. HELL I'LL TAKE MIKE SORBER AS COACH OVER THIS FREAKIN IDIOT WE HAVE NOW. BRADLEY MUST GO I HOPE NEW COACH NEVER CALLS UP MIKE BRADLEY EVER AGAIN"

"bradley is too mediocre a coach to be at the helm of our national program."

"Bradley needs to go, we are better than this defensive and fearful approach and if we want to improve we need to take the game to other teams and not be scared of our opponents or it will be another three and out."

"the bottom line is that bob bradley can coach us to victories against mediocre teams with sub-par tactics and talent -- but when it comes to the big stage, we are consistently underwhelming."

"Bradley has shown a wonderful inability to learn from past lessons."

"I honestly cannot believe Bradley has ever watched a soccer match above the MLS level or that we play with the tactical sophistication of an NCAA team - by design! Its embarassing."

MMMMMMMMMMM, that's good hatin' right there. Have a cheeto for me, "lads."

BigSoccer Posters Defend Bizarre Split Allegiances

Janus: Official God of BigSoccer?

Recently, MLS Rumors² contacted several BigSoccer posters with seemingly conflicting team loyalties to try to unlock the key to this rather widespread phenomenon.

We started with MadridandBarcaLover:
MLS Rumors²: So, what gives? Looks like you support two blood rivals...the team of Franco and the symbol of Catalunyan independence...so, uh, how's that work, exactly?

MadridandBarcaLover: what are you, teh ghey? They're, like, both in Spain. When I was 15, I went to Spain on vacay, and, like, totally visited Barcelona and Madrid. I, like, got totally hammered all over that country, but, like, it was the best in Barcelona and Madrid...so, like, yeah.

MLS Rumors²: Uh...okay.

Then it was on to Revs4Evah, who lists as her favorite clubs DC United, PhillyMLS, and Seattle.

MLS Rumors²: Okay, you're screen name is "Revs4Evah," yet the Revs don't even show up as one of your favorite teams. What's up with that?

Revs4Evah: My cousin had a tryout with the Revs once, and he, like, almost made the team, so I was all, yay!!!1!1!!! Revs4Evah! But then, like, I moved from Philly to Seattle, and, like, DC United had Bobby Boswell, so, like, yay!

MLS Rumors²: um...'kay...

Next up, YankiDood, who lists Fulham, Reading, Watford, Derby, Aston Villa and Everton.

MLS Rumors²: Let me start by saying, "I get it," alright...but seriously, "dood," how are you any better than those fanboys who only show up to MLS games when someone from their home country is playing, and then only to cheer for whatever team that player happens to be playing for at the time?

YankiDood: You mean people actually *watch* MLS? Whatever...anyway, I've gotta run, there's a Coca Cola Championship preview on Gol TV in, like, two minutes.

Last up was RangerBhoy14:

MLS Rumors²: Wow, so...I mean...wow...never mind.