Beckham to host handshaking

After all the controversy regarding David Beckham and the LA Galaxy, MLS Rumors Rumors has learned that the superstar, internationally renowned, and argueably the best player to ever put on a soccer shirt will be trying to put all that behind him. Our sources close to the situation (including Beckham's back up to his stand in sideburn stylist) indicate that THE David Beckham wants to host a "Shake my Hand and Feel the Greatness Day".

Mr. Posh Beckham regrets that his ability to shake hands with the Riot Squad members at the stadium has not gone according to plan. He feels slighted that they refused to come out of the stands and shake his hand during the friendly match against AC Milan.

According to some, Beckham had this to say, "I just wanted to shake some hands to say goodbye before I snuck onto the AC Milan bus. However, I don't understand why those guys wouldn't come out of the stands. They must not be real men because I have no problem walking from the pitch to the stands and back, but they claim they are not allowed. Well, Beckham don't play that way!"

The event is likely to take place at the Malibu Beach Club, although date and time have yet to be determined. Additionally, attendees will need to bring their Malibu Beach Club ID cards, or can buy a temporary one-day membership for $100,000.

Pretty In Rossoneri, Pt. 1

The on-again, off-again, will he or won't he saga of David Beckham's Italian Job was giving us some serious deja vu...so we dug back into the archives and realized we'd seen this all before, in John Hughes' 1986 coming-of-age classic, Pretty In Pink. We've taken the liberty of updating Hughes' masterpiece, which we are presenting to you, our lucky, lucky readers, in serial form, beginning right here, right now, with Part 1 of John Hughes soon-to-be classic, Pretty In Rossoneri:


Landon: Bruce, it's 7:30! Bruce, it's 7:30! Bruce, wake up! Morning, Bruce. Come on, wake up! Wake up! Come on, wake up. There's your coffee right there.

Bruce: Where am I?

Landon: Here, I want you to drink this. Then take a shower and get dressed. Your clothes are there. Then I want you to see the scouts about the new signings. Today. You promised.

Bruce: I know. What would I do without you nagging me all the time?

Landon: You really want me to answer that?

Bruce: Yeah, I've been gettin' in kinda late lately. We haven't had a chance to talk.

Landon: Don't worry about it. There hasn't been a lot to say.

Bruce: Is everything all right with you?

Landon: Yeah.

Bruce: Is Germany good?

Landon: No, but it never is.

Bruce: Have you been asked for a permanent transfer?

Landon: No. Not yet.

Bruce: When was the last time I told you how beautiful you are?

Landon: About yesterday.

Bruce: Turn around.

Landon: What?

Bruce: You know what. Let me see this outfit. Is this your latest creation?

Landon: This is it.

Bruce: My God, what did that cost you?

Landon: About $20 for the shoes, second-hand, and I made the rest.

Bruce: Unbelievable. I was thinking maybe that you could do something with this. Maybe put some ruffles here...

Landon: Come on, get up! Really, I mean it. This means a lot to me.

Bruce: I am perfectly happy with what I'm doing.

Landon: Perfectly happy coaching a shit MLS side that hasn't even made the playoffs since 2007?

Bruce: No. That's why I'm getting up.

Landon: OK. I'll make you some breakfast.

Bruce: I'm up.

Top 10 Reasons Beckham wants to leave the Galaxy

David Beckham has MLS rules named after him. We hear that Don Garber refers to a part of his anatomy as his Beckham (no not that, his "sweet left foot"). But we all knew it was too good to last. So, we've uncovered the top 10 reasons that David Beckham wants to leave LA:

10) Tired of MLS commentators fawning over his every free kick.
9) Tired of Li'l Cobi dogging him about taking him to the club.
8) Tired of getting mugged by developmental players in the locker room.
7) Bruce Arena's habit of referring to himself in the 3rd person.
6) Tired of the 12 year old girls screaming his name at every Galaxy match - even if he isn't on the pitch or even in town.
5) Victoria keeps threatening to name the next kid, Redondo.
4) MLS plays in the summer, which is when all his buddies are relaxing in Mallorca.
3) While he loves the herb, he's not so sure about herbalife...
2) Abbey Okulaja.

And the number one reason:

While Alexis Lalas was always on about a "Super club", David really is getting tired of underoos...