Breaking: DC United's New Coach!

According to sources at a well frequented DC United bar in the U Street area, Kevin Payne, President & CEO of DC United, is close to announcing a new head coach for DC United. After missing the playoffs two seasons in a row, with an aging roster and no clear ideas on how to move forward, the DC United Supremo has decided to make a radical shift in philosophy.

"Look, they've been on us about every decision we've made since the inception of the SE list serve. It is time to give one of them a try!"

According to our sources, Kevin Payne is considering offering the position of head coach to the "Internet Nuts". He has a short list of people that post regularly on Bigsoccer.com, Goffblog, and other sites (apparently, MLS Rumors Rumors was not on the shortlist of sites). We have heard rumors that the lead candidate is a poster called Vasco, who writes in from RIO (whether that is Rio de Janiero in Brazil or an acronym for Remote in Ohio is unknown). Mr. Payne apparently liked the posters acceptance of a one year contract contingent on playoff appearences without even knowing the salary.

We are expecting an announcement sometime in the next week. The Bigsoccer.com meltdown of 2009 will follow immediately.

Investigation: End of MLS Playoffs?

MLS Rumors² is tracking down news that could fundamentally affect the results of this Major League Soccer season. We have it on some authority that Don Garber and company are considering cancelling the playoffs. According to one anonymous source, Don has said:

Look, we are still on the fence about this playoff thing. We had them early on in the league and then decided to cancel them from 2000 through 2002. In 2003, we brought them back but we are again reassessing the need.

Our crack reporters will stay on top of this developing story.

Breaking News: US to return to Saprissa?

You heard it hear first. Yep, when this gets announced, you can tell all your friends and colleagues and even that pretty girl down the cube farm, that you get all your prime news from MLS Rumors². If it turns out to be false, well, blame our sources...

With Goff's report about US Soccer monitoring the situation in Honduras for the October 10 qualifier, we decided to talk with our sources. Some in the super dangerous Mount Pleasant neighborhood of Washington "Danger Town" DC report that Costa Rica's Saprissa stadium would be a good alternate location. They cited the fact that the US has never won in the Monster's Cave and that Honduras would really like to win this match. Not only that but some think that Costa Rica "owes" Honduras for hosting their deposed President after the military coup this spring.

The question is would the US object to the relocation in favor of a more successful environment like Barbados...

Breaking: RFK

Via the mighty Bog Man Of Washington:

RFK Is Falling Down, Falling Down, Falling Down
RFK Is Falling Down, Where Is Fenty?

It's enough to make us wax poetical:



I met a traveller from an antique land
Who said: One vast and crumbling concrete bowl
Stands on a river. Near it on the asphalt,
Half sunk, a shatter'd visage lies, whose frown
And wrinkled lip and sneer of cold command
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamp'd on these lifeless things,
The hand that mock'd them and the heart that fed.
And on the pedestal these words appear:
"My name is RFK, Stadium of Stadia:
Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!"
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare,
The muddy Anacostia wends away.

RESULT :: Lalas & Stone go on pre-match bender

Shocking scenes from the post match wrap were on offer after the United States managed not to fall on their face vs Trinidad & Tobago. Clearly shaking off the effects of the Chocolate Choo-Choo that finished off their 4 martini lunch, Stone & Lalas managed to offer some insight into the big three points captured on the road by the US.

Hair of the dog, ol' boys, hair of the dog.