Rumor: DC United Wins Game

Sources that may have been at RFK tonight have confirmed that DC United has actually won a match. According to the rumor, DC United's Australian striker Chris Pontius Daniel Allsop scored two goals in the first half. Two goals!

We will keep abreast of this rumor because obviously someone has been drinking too much at the tailgate.

BREAKING: MLS Rumors to Publish "David Duke: Crew Supporter" Interview

Rating: 4 (muthaf*ckin' tizzight)

In the wake of the Guardian's condescending and ill-informed gripping un-researched snark-fest exposé regarding the Massive Soccer Riot at Crew Stadium "at" the weekend, MLS Rumors Rumors has learned that MLS Rumors is planning to publish an interview with Crew Fanboy David Duke.

"We heard a rumor that the Crew will be re-branding as the Krew, which isn't what we meant when we told them to Get. It. Together." Said our source. "So we decided to interview David Duke to get his reaction, and it turns out - no surprise - that he's a big-time Krew supporter. This interview will blow the lid off of the seamy underbelly of institutionalized hate that seethes in the jack-booted nordecke!

"Did I mention that Krew fans are all Nazis? Because they are.

"Nazis."