Rumor: Kinnear Looking at DC Castoffs

After DC United boss Kevin Payne suggested that players not living up to DC United standards can look elsewhere, Houston coach Dominic Kinnear is licking his chops (well Wade Barrett's chops) in anticipation. MLS Rumors Rumors has it on good authority of a certain person that has been to Texas (and not just the Alamo either!), that Kinnear is keen on several DC United players.

"Last time they were tired of a player, we shipped them some of our dead weight and got Bobby Boswell. Once we nipped that bobbyboswell.com crap in the bud, he became a useful player. I can think of any number of guys up there in DC that would welcome a club with a good atmosphere, tradition of winning, excellent coaching, and an actual stadium that doesn't have rats, cats, and racoons."

Kevin Payne's response was straight forward:

"They can talk to them if they would like to get sued. But I don't think it will come to that because Dominic Kinnear is a gentleman. We have no intention to have any of our players come to Houston for a trial. They are under contract and if anybody tries to talk to them, we are prepared to file a lawsuit. This is DC. It's American contract law that applies here. Local law prevails. We have not been contacted. I am quite confident that if Houston wanted to talk to us about our players, Dominic would call me. They are all very, very special."

Breaking: Reaction on Ching

Two US States are in mourning tonight after Brian Ching's exclusion from the US World Cup squad. Texas, the current home of the Houston 1836 Dynamo, where Mr. Ching plays his soccer, and Hawaii, the birthplace of Mr. Ching.

"It is like Bob Bradley personally spat in my face." stated one disgruntled Houston Dynamo Fan.

Speculation on whether Hawaiian Governor Linda Lingle will make a call to another famous Hawaiian, President Barack Obama, is rampant.

"We know that Bob Bradley and some others will be meeting with the Big Kahuna himself. If he could just drop a line, like 'hey, you know that Gitmo is nice this time of year' or 'Why are there no Hawaiians on the team?', maybe Bob will change his mind. Otherwise, Hawaii will have to yet again face the prospect of no representation at the World Cup!"

The front office of the Houston Dynamo should probably say:

"While we are tremendously pleased to have Brian Ching back in our side for our upcoming games, he was really looking forward to the World Cup. We will be toning our orange jersey's to half blinding for the duration of the Cup to honor him. Unless he blows another hamstring or misses a bunch of goals, in which case, we will admit that Bob Bradley does really know all."

Breaking: Houston Fans Not Amused by Internet Web Site

The internationally renowned MLS Rumors Rumors website is apparently not on the favorites list of at least one Houston Dynamo fan. According to a post on the well appreciated and popular website, Houston Dynamo fans do not find the brand of hilarity posited in the various articles to be enough to cause laughter.

We of course will continue to report on these developments. MLS Rumors Rumors never sleeps!

Latest: FDA to Ban Houston’s Kit?

Sources aware of the FDA and their regulatory power speculate that the FDA may be considering placing a warning label on the Houston Dynamo’s kits. The dyes used to make the kits are reportedly potentially dangerous and include various reds and yellows that could cause untold damage to retinas around the country. While the Houston Dynamo have been around for a few years, the FDA has just recently become aware of post-marketing long-term study data that may show a link between retinal damage and the Houston Dynamo.

An FDA spokesperson would probably say,

“Look, these safety issues take time. We did not get nice long-term data before market approval of the kits. We requested and the Houston Dynamo provided a nice post-marketing study reporting adverse events. Remember it took years for us to identify the safety signals with compounds such as Vioxx, Fen-phen, and others, you cannot expect us to do our homework before it is assigned. We are now evaluating our obligations and the dangers to the public over these hideous kits.”