Canucks Spurn MLS Cup for Hockey

While the official numbers appeared good for MLS Cup, in reality, many of those who bought tickets preferred to watch the Pee Wee North Toronto Hockey Jamboree than Colorado Rapids and FC Dallas battle for the coveted MLS Cup. According to rumors we have from a local bartender with connections to the Toronto region, the Hockey Jamboree was filled to its 60,000 person capacity and that several in attendance had tickets to the other match across town. Locals say that the Pee Wee tournament represents the best of ages 4 to 9 hockey in all of North Toronto, which is the source for some talent on the Canadian National Hockey Team.

”When the weather gets cold in September, our thoughts all turn to the ice, enough with these other sports. Sure those guys at Toronto FC are still playing but it doesn’t mean anything, afterall their season is over in July.”

Fans at the Pee Wee North Toronto Hockey Jamboree were excited and thrilled with the event and several questioned about the MLS Cup happening across town replied, “Normally I would accept your inquiry in good sport but really I must quote a great Canadian, ‘Take off, you Hoser!’. Thank you.”

Note: Many Canadians suffered unnecessarily for the use of the stereotypes in this article.

Just in: Canadian Coalition to Bring Down MLS?

Former MLS executive Ivan Gazidis made some startling comments today in an undisclosed London pub. As previously reported in many news sources, the Montreal ownership group pulled their bid for an MLS team around the time of the MLS Cup (perhaps because they saw the league as besmirched with the Red Bull New York Red Bulls of Harrison, New Jersey reaching the final). Recently, the Vancouver bid seems to be headed for the same fate. Gazidis reportedly said that the teams were looking to form a coalition to build their own league. They are testing out names such as the Looney League and Major Soccer League. After the success of the Montreal in the CONCACAF Champions League Group stage and the failure of four three [ed.: whatevs, like we were paying attention, man] four [ed.: Toronto failed in Canadian qualifying, Chivas USA and NE failed in preliminary, and DC United didn't make it out of the group] MLS teams to either advance or even make the group stage, the Canadian Coalition is looking to form a stronger government league. The ownership groups believe that a Canadian run league would be stronger and more able to have international success.

"Canadians should know that these ownership groups lied to them. These guys said they would never form a coalition to bring down MLS and yet here they are launching a coup."