INCOMING: Ruiz, T.O. to Toronto

Rating: None of your damn business. What? What?

In an attempt to consolidate all of MLS' bad boys on one SuperClub, TFC today announced the signing of both Carlos "El Pescadito" Ruiz and Dallas Cowboys wide receiver Terrell "T.O." Owens. Owens will fill TFC's designated player slot.

T.O.: TO Bound?

"It's just a natural fit," said Toronto Manager "Trader" Mo Johnston. "We cannae set a record for red cards without brining in some new blood. Puttin' these lads together wi' Amado [Guevara], it's a guarantee someone'll go aggro at least once a match. I'm talkin' absolutely fookin' radge, man."

When asked why on earth he would be interested in setting such a record, Johnston spat, then proclaimed, "That wee git Nicol said I couldnae do it, and I've a mind tae prove him wrong."

Owens held a press conference in his driveway, where he did numerous sit-ups while his agent, Drew Rosenhaus, explained that this move was all part of a plan to "expand the T.O. brand."

Whither El Pescadito?

For years, Carlos Ruiz has been the poster child for “MLS Bad Boy”. Not only has he been a prolific goal scorer but he has earned his nickname of El Pescadito through his theatrical flopping about on the field. To add to his reputation as a “MLS Bad Boy”, Ruiz has cultivated a poor attitude and learned all the best ways to cheap shot opponents when the referee is not paying attention. However, MLS Rumors Rumors has received word that Ruiz is upset at his loss of status in favor of the new “MLS Bad Boy”, Cuauhtemoc Blanco. According to sources close to the Guatemalan striker, Ruiz feels ignored by the league and the fans. He believes the beating administered by Ricardo Clark got out the collective frustrations of MLS fans and officials and now he is in danger of being a has-been pest. Mexican Blanco’s antics during MLS games and at the US Open Cup match in Germantown, Maryland against DC United, has left Carlos Ruiz far behind in the running for “MLS Bad Boy”. MLS Rumors Rumors has learned that Ruiz hopes to step up his bad attitude and reclaim his mantle.