RUMOR: Barca to Partner With Disney for MLS Miami II

ORLANDO, FL, 3 December, 2008: A local bartender who recently worked a catered event at Disney World has informed MLS Rumors² that not only is MLS Miami II "90% certain of happening," the team's ownership will also include the Walt Disney Corporation. "I was talking to a drunk Disney exec, and he told me that Disney sees MLS Miami II as an excellent opportunity to expand the Disney global brand. Right now, the plan is to call the team the Barca USA Big Green. They'll wear claret and dark blue tops with green shorts at home, and green tops with gold shorts on the road. Also, they're going to play half of their games in Orlando, at a soccer-specific stadium Disney is going to build where Space Mountain is right now."

MLS Rumors² did a little digging around on the internet, and it turns out that this has been in the works for over a decade! Don't believe us? Well, check out this little nugget from the freakin' New York Times, suckas:

For the last two weeks, all 12 M.L.S. teams have been training together and playing scrimmages at the Walt Disney World Resort's Disney Wide World of Sports complex in Lake Buena Vista, Fla. In the marketing world, that's called synergy. How long can it be before Disney fields a team called the Big Green to complement its soccer movie that starred Rodney Dangerfield?

How ya like us now?

Our man on the scene in Orlando also informed us that Barca and Disney are planning to give away upwards of 10,000 tickets per match: "They're looking at this whole deal as a loss leader. It's all about establishing the Barca and Disney brands. In the current business environment, they think it's a real winner of a concept."

Barca: MLS Miami II Will Be Most Epic Fail Ev-ah!

MIAMI, 1 December 2008: MLS Rumors² recently received an email from a confidential source with ties to Barcelona's MLS expansion bid:

It's, like, gonna be insane. Barca are 100% committed to making this team the most epic fail in the history of epic failure that is professional sports in South Florida. You think you've seen fail before? You think the Marlins' ritual post-World Series fire sales are something? Well, at least they f'ing *won* the Series, even if no one went to their games. MLS Miami II will be the culmination of decades of South Florida fail. They're going to market heavily to the locals of Puerto Rican, Cuban, and Dominican descent, with an ad campaign that calls baseball a sport for [Ed.: rhymes with harrycons]. Then, they're going to spend over $3 million to bring in a washed-up Brazilian, like, say, Ronaldo, who will promptly spend every waking hour either in the clubs or on South Beach, getting fatter and slower by the day. It'll make Lothar's "Rehab on the Riviera" look like serious training.

I'm telling you, it's going to be Epic. Truly Epic.

Stay tuned, dear readers, this is a developing story.